Erica Parrott
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The Power Of Words; What If the Word SOR ...

The Power Of Words; What If the Word SORRY Ceased To Exist?

Sep 06, 2022

In honor of the 333rd blog, it is only fitting to use this time to break down a word that holds so many minds, bodies, and souls in bondage. In today's The Power of Words, I want to take a look at a word that holds so many people up in their everyday life and healing processes. Why am I choosing this word now? IMO, we have healings being held up all because someone is waiting to hear the most oppressive, changes nothing really, word...Sorry. Saying this word without accountability simply means, "Man, I hate you feel bad, I'm kinda feeling bad...but nothings changing." Time to face a hard truth the word sorry is to feel. Accountability is to act. We need more actions and less feelings. It is time for everyone to step into their fullest power while taking accountability where necessary.

Today, we are going to look at the word's defination, talk about a few examples, and I will share with you some ways you can apologize while not giving away your power.

What does the word sorry even truly mean? Where did it even come from?

Many years ago I read that defination, and at the time the word wasn't attached to any personal event. I'm glad, because it allowed me to really began to sift through it's complexness. As I began to let the defination wash over and through me I began to ponder. Why is it that some will sit around and wait for someone to finally apporach them and say "I'm sorry", before being able to move on? But I also wondered, when they hear it, does it really change anything for them?

I can't speak for anyone else, but for never changed a damn thing. What was done was done. Hearing sorry and watching them squirm as they let the word escape their body, never made me "feel" better. Having to say it feels like wading through mud, even when I need to be say it. I mean let's face it, to even say or hear the word puts the body and mind into a DEpressed state. Saying or hearing this word also instantly pulls your vibration lower. Yet everyday, countless times in a day, someone expects to hear this, and another is expected to remain in a lower viberation in order to deliever satisfaction for another. Sounds, insane when it's put like that, doesn't it? Yet, many expect this and cling to the hope that this cycle of lowness will provide some sense of healing.

Think about this, in order for someoene to "apologize" by the common human standard, the offender must be willing to remain feeling less than. (Even if the offender has physcially started to correct the wrong doing; if one is conditioned to need to hear sorry, to begin forgiving...then they are asking the offender to remain enslaved to a less than feeling. Also ensuring the offender has a harder time rising to meet said expectations later.) No wonder humans have a hard time letting that word pass through their lips. I also ponder is it the reason so many contiune to do the very things they say with their mouth they are sorry for? I mean the word itself has almost become the crutch that holds society up. Its a never ending cycle of wash and repeat because of the illusion that a word fixed something.

I understand why many humans cling to the need to hear it. It is a powerful word. It is also a word of pure ego. Nothing about the word fixes anything. It only makes one feel. Feelings as I've discussed before are 100% ego. And even though feelings hold truth, they are only true to the person feeling them. When we speak of sorry the feelings can range from; superior, justified, right, seen...all the way down to pity, remorse, regret, less than, and so on. What is felt solely depends on what side of the word you stand on.

I rather have Understanding and Growth.

I myself, perfer honest understanding of where it went wrong. That way the next move is one made in awarness. Sorry doesn't really allow for an open path to communicate the where, when, and hows of the wrongdoing. It blocks the possibility of having an honest exchange of how you were offended/hurt. It blocks one from expressing how the offender might better apporach the situation next time. Sorry is merely, "You were wrong, I was right." The word itself teaches the offender how to feel. It doesn't provide the offender with clairty on how to change anything. Even if instructions follow. Take for example a child. Even when a parent makes a child say sorry, and then tries to explain how to do it better, the parent often finds they will have to repeat theirself. Why? Because every time they apporach to teach the correct action, the child is already in a place of grief within. That child's system isn't in receiving mode. It actually needs. It needs to feel accepted because all they can hear are the feelings they feel, which are screaming, "You aren't good enough" most times. The remorseful child will likely hear the parent's teaching words as if they are flying by them. Nothing truly rooting in. Why? Because you cannot plant seeds into someone when they are in the lowest of feelings and expect the seeds to fall on fertile, nurturing ground. Their in a blocked state.

You know what else sorry does? It strips one of their power. That word does not allow anyone to honestly feel like they could measure up. Have you ever been met with a time someone wanted you to deny your truth in order for them to feel better? What did you do? Did you ultimately take the low end of the deal and say it...sorry?

Don't be shocked. Yes there are times this crossroads happens. Sometimes it truly is impossible to provide an apology that someone feels entitled to. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

Friend 1: Has created turmoil and tension within relationship

Friend 2: Has been the receipent of ripples created by friend 1's choices.

Below is a conversation between the two after a time of seperation.

F1: Admit it, with some time apart you miss me?

F2: No...For the first time in awhile I'm able to breathe. I wish I could hold the same feelings as you in this moment, but right now I don't.

F1: That was harsh. Did you even think about how your answer would make me feel? Or are you just so hurt you want to keep hurting?

F2: Yes...I did think

F1: sooo...the apology?!

F2: Why do I need to apologize for the truth of how I feel in this time apart?

F1: How hard is it to say you're sorry?

F2: It's easy, when I have truly wronged. Though I never wish to hurt your feelings, I do not see how I could get around it. If I ignored you, that would have hurt. Responding atleast gives us the chance to have this exchange.

F1: I don't get it...

F2: How I wish your choices would have left me more to miss, but they didn't. Sorry will only make you feel better...while also making me feel and be a liar. Watering down what is honest helps neither of us right now. You held the keys to whether I missed you or not. How is it fair that I should walk away from this exchange carrying your guilt for what you didn't do? You want me to make you feel better, and I do not hold that power. But we can talk about how we never end up here again and both walk away feeling and being better.

Now, had friend 2 not had a strong sense of self, they might have walked away from that conversation handing all their power to friend 1 with one simple word, sorry. Nothing more would have likely happened because inner tension would have been brewing.

How Do We Begin to Break the Cycle?

If you have been an abuser of the word SORRY, (needing to hear it or always feeling like you're saying it) I want you to ask yourself

  • How far did that black and white outcome get me?

  • Did anyone walk away more elightened on how they could have shown up better?

  • Did everyone leave with their head high, or did someone have to remain in grief for resolution?

  • Did someone just apologize for existing?

If any of those questions hit home in anyway I want you to take a deep breathe, and then I want you to imagine the following. How would you operate if the word SORRY ceased to exist?

What would you when you spilled something? What would an accidental bump into someone sound like aftwrwards? I ask that question because, even though it does exist, we each hold the power to keep it's dead ass alive or to free ourself and our loved ones. There are limitless ways to acknowledge a wrong, while taking accountability and not having to feel like scum of the earth while doing it. How do we begin? By becoming very aware of when we use it and consciously deciding to replace its use, by using words that create life and openness. I'm going to provide a few change ups you might consider using in your vocabulary.

We shouldn't be sorry for exisiting. Expressing awareness of the matter is what another truly longs for. It's time to stop giving all your power away simply because you exist. Coming from a place of gratitude can set such a different tone for everyone to walk in. Have you been apologizing a lot for your existence? Try these instead:

  • bump into someone- Excuse me. Or my apologies didn't see you there.

  • Running Late- I appreciate you for being paitence enough to wait for me.

  • Late on a project- Thank you for understanding but that will be later than planned...

  • Having a bad day- I appreciate you understanding I'm not myself...

For those times you do need to truly apologize:

  • I should not have...

  • I take full responsibility

  • I regret my (fill in the blank)

  • Excuse me

  • Oops!!

Get creative with it as you bring your conscious mind into a new mode of operation. Begin to speak your apologies with awarness and from your heart and in a matter of time, you'll find yourself doing it unconsciously. By opening our heart, and allowing the truest definations to come forth is the only way we ever climb out of the abyass of feelings alone. We each must allow our conscious awarness to raise, around the words that we speak to ourselves and one another if we ever wish to truly be and see lasting change.

For more on shattering the EGO:

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