It's true! It's taken me a good long while, but I am THRILLED to report we had an awesome week of culinary therapy in my household.
Each week I try.
And yet each of the past several weeks, months, and years I have felt like a lousy mom, chef, and chef mom because I have not been cooking at my best.
I haven't been doing much of anything at my best because I have been clawing my way back to safety and security after a brutal divorce.
Many days I have been much too good at focusing on how far from my best I have been at all things.
(Which is rarely helpful in trauma recovery, but frequent nonetheless.)
Today is October 13, 2023, and tonight we will prepare dinner for the sixth day straight from healthy ingredients purchased at the grocery store. No take out, no eating out, no ordering in. (Not true. We do Dunkin' breakfasts every other Wednesday morning and did this week.)
But every other breakfast, lunch, and dinner was prepared by me and/or one of the kids.
This brings me extreme joy.
And has taken a lot of time and work to achieve.
Now I hope to replicate it most weeks.
My unconscious has been creating a plan over the past several years of feeding my kids and myself in ways that never would have flown in my household growing up. To do it better.
Because too many of our meals have been too costly, wasteful, unhealthy, and high in sodium.
Because my kids and I have eaten a greater proportion of our calories prepared by others than ever before in our lives.
And we've all gained weight.
(Admittedly, the kids have gained just the right amount of weight to match the inches they have grown taller. No signs of obesity in my children despite our less than healthier eating habits these past few years. I am carrying 10 extra pounds though.)
My hope is that a return to more self-prepared food will help me lose the extra weight.
Even if it doesn't, I feel so much better about myself this week than I have in I don't remember how long.
Because I didn't suck at culinary therapy this week! Finally! For the first time in I don't remember how long.
Because I have felt like I sucked at culinary therapy these past many months, I have found it really hard to populate this page since I launched earlier this year.
But now that I have a plan for culinary therapy for my family, I have a plan for culinary therapy in the weeks I am not with the kids AND for content for this page. It's all connected!
For now, I'll just share a couple of snapshots of our inaugural kid and mom cooking sessions.
Stay tuned! More culinary therapy is coming!
Thank you for your patience.
Kid 2's First Pan Sauce
Kid 2 made her first pan sauce last night.
No big deal.
I still remember what a big deal it felt like to me when I made my first pan sauce.
The 15 of us in my culinary class at the Institute of Culinary Education (ICE) first gathered around Chef Ted at the stove. Module 4.
Chef Ted was imposing even without the towering white toque he always wore. Barrel-chested, bald, and 6’5” without the hat, he was a giant.
I usually stood toward the back and watched him work in the mirrors above the stove.
I didn’t want to be right up next to the heat. His or the stove’s. I’d get splattered soon enough by hot grease.
Gruff comes to mind when I picture him in my head. Echos of my paternal grandfather. Who was not physically imposing unless viewed through the eyes of a young girl.
Yes, Chef Ted triggered memories of my grandfather.
I was afraid of him and preferred to keep my distance.
He wasn’t actually scary. As we got to know each other through the module we grew to really respect each other.
But I was terrified of him the first day we learned to make a pan sauce.
My hands were shaking.
Also in awe.
I watched him follow a few simple steps and then tasted what he made in the process.
I’m about to learn how to make something that tastes like that?!? Are you kidding me?
Um, yes please.
I was 29.
Kid 2 is 11. And is like, “Yeah, no big deal. Whatevs."
My heart is doing somersaults. And I am so grateful to Chef Ted and ICE. Also, to my parents. For paying to send me to cooking school.
And to my mom, for teaching me to cook long before I got there.
Please support my efforts to bring greater culinary therapy to my life by writing about it each week here on Buy Me a Coffee. You can buy me a coffee or sign up for any of my membership tiers. Any and all support is much appreciated!
When not writing about culinary therapy, you can also find me writing about the following things: memoir writing, self-compassion, grief, gratitude, and brain food. Please follow any that are of interest. You can also find me on Substack, Medium, Patreon, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Linktr.ee, and my own website, Don't Sum Me Up. I'd love to connect wherever you are.