Photo by BRUNO CERVERA on Unsplash

“What holds you back is not fear, but your attitude towards it. The tighter you hold on to the attitude that fear is something ‘bad’ and you cannot do the things you want until it goes away, the more stuck you will be” — Russ Harris

Today, my husband shared with me how the phrase “I am a banana” has helped him gain a new perspective. Let me explain. Our thoughts are like pieces of language that create meaning in our minds. For example, when we say “chair,” your mind immediately associates it with the object you know as a chair. Our minds are constantly making sense of the world by assigning meanings to things, events, and experiences. These meanings act as filters, allowing us to process the vast amount of information we encounter daily.

The formation of these filters is not solely our own doing; they are influenced by our culture, upbringing, and life experiences. The same event can be perceived differently by different individuals based on the meanings they assign to it. For instance, not getting invited to a party might be a relief for one person, while it could be devastating for another. The circumstance is the same, but the meaning assigned to it significantly alters how we feel and behave in response.

Now, let’s consider a common negative thought that might arise when we fail at something important to us, such as “I am a failure.” When this thought visits us, it triggers a cascade of feelings and bodily sensations. Our behaviors then follow these emotions, and we might find ourselves experiencing anxiety, self-blame, hopelessness, and a lack of resourcefulness. All of these reactions are the result of believing the thought “I am a failure.”

“The mind loves telling stories; in fact, it never stops”— Russ Harris

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

But what if we don’t believe that thought? If we detach from the limiting belief and see it for what it is — a mere thought — our experience would remain focused on the circumstance itself. There would be no added layers of meanings, feelings, or blurriness. This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can be helpful. ACT suggests that we don’t need to fully buy into our thoughts, fight with them, or avoid them. Instead, we can notice them and use tools to diffuse their impact.

Happiness Trap

“I am a banana” is a quirky example I came across while reading “The Happiness Trap” by Russ Harris. Both “I am a banana” and “I am a failure” are just bits of language, but one brings humor while the other weighs us down. It is nearly impossible to fully believe in being a banana, but many find it challenging not to believe the latter. Embracing “I am a banana” reminds us of the absurdity of our limiting beliefs and helps us detach from them.

I recently shared this insight with my husband, and he put it into practice when dealing with a challenging situation. It allowed him to stay calm and gain a new perspective. This experience reinforces the idea that we are not defined by our thoughts; we have the power to choose how we engage with them. We can either let our thoughts lead us into a rabbit hole or elevate us to a more empowering mindset.

What are your ‘shoulds’?

Now, I encourage you to reflect on your tightly held beliefs, the “shoulds,” “needs,” and “cannot’s” that may be limiting your sense of freedom. Embrace the idea that these beliefs are just thoughts, and by examining them with a new perspective, you can free yourself from their constraining grip. Remember, we have the choice to detach from unhelpful beliefs and shape our own reality. Let’s find the strength to challenge the thoughts that hold us back and open ourselves to new possibilities and a more empowering way of living.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field. I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”

doesn’t make any sense.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill

where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don’t go back to sleep.” — Rumi