Addictive products that are “allegedly” marketed at children.
Written by Dave Page
Over the years, there have been some pretty horrendous products marketed to children.
These products include, but are not limited to:
The Next padded bikini bra aimed at girls as young as eight (if you need me to tell you why this is a problem, then you yourself have a problem).
Cot bumpers, those weird things that go around the bottom of cot bars and have been scientifically proven to increase the risk of your baby suffocating.
And anything even slightly related to Peppa Pig, because that show is now the worst thing on television since Jeremy Kyle was fired from ITV.
Although these products are all genuinely detrimental to your child’s well-being, especially Peppa Pig, there exists another genre of marketing that is much, much worse.
I am, of course, talking about the alleged sneaky, child-targeted marketing of addictive products.
So, let’s take a look at some of these products.
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Alco pops.
When I was 13 or 14, I was absolutely sure that I would never become a drinker. Now, let me be clear on this — this was not due to any particularly strong feelings against alcohol or misguided religious abstinence. It was simply down to the fact that I had not yet found an alcoholic beverage that I liked. Then, at a family New Year’s Eve party, I discovered Smirnoff Ice.
For the uninitiated, Smirnoff Ice tastes like lemonade but is actually a 5% alcohol by volume beverage. After that night, I developed somewhat of a taste for this drink and would consume it fairly regularly until I was about 15, when I developed a taste for really nasty cider. The rest, as they say, is history.
But why, we must ask ourselves, would alcohol manufacturers make such a beverage? A drink that, in most ways, is indistinguishable from an ordinary soft drink? Well, there are two possible answers, so I shall provide them both and let you decide.
Answer one, the official answer given by any company that manufactures this sort of drink, goes something like this:
Not all adults enjoy the tastes of hard spirits, beer, cider, or wine, so we created “insert name of alcopop” in order that there might be a wider selection of beverages for responsible adults to choose from.
Answer two, the answer given by conspiracy theorists who believe that these companies are out to get children addicted to alcohol as early as possible:
To most kids, hard spirits, beer, cider, and wine taste like crap. So creating drinks like Smirnoff Ice, which tastes like lemonade, or Bacardi Breezers, which taste like whatever random fruit-based drink you want, provides young teenagers with a nice, comfortable way of easing themselves onto the slippery slope of lifetime consumerism and addiction.
For the record, although I am firmly of the belief that the second argument is true, I don’t really hold it against alcohol manufacturers or advertising companies. Growing up, most kids have these things called parents, and it is primarily the job of these parents to guide their offspring as best they can
Now, I know I am undoubtedly going to get shit for this, primarily from the people who believe that it is the job of schools to teach their kid to tie their shoes or use a toilet, but the whole parenting thing comes complete with more challenges than finding someone who will have sex with you. I know! I know! Adulting sucks balls! But you made your choice, deal with it!
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Flavoured tobacco and Vapes.
No matter what your thoughts are on smoking, whether you think smokers are selfish, NHS-clogging, environment-polluting bastards, or (and this is the correct thought) that smokers are informed adults making a life choice and contributing tremendously to the public purse while doing it, you have to admit that, in the right situation, smoking a cigarette makes you look cool. Movie makers have known this for years. Nothing quite matches the nonchalant suavity of leaning against a wall and smoking. It’s certainly not something you can replicate with a vape.
Fortunately for my health and my marriage, I’ve now reached the point where I don’t care if I look cool, and I haven’t had a cigarette for quite a long time.
Now that tobacco companies are forced to include horrendous imagery on their packaging, it puts them at a slight marketing disadvantage. Yes, you’ll look cool while you’re doing it, but at what price? Fortunately, they still have the awesome power of addiction on their side.
In many cases, it only takes a child or young teenager to have that one cigarette, and they’re hooked on that sweet, sweet mixture of relaxation, dizziness, and nausea. The trouble is, of course, that the first cigarette you have is utterly disgusting—more disgusting, even, than a can of Stella or Carling. So, how might this introduction to your future vice be made slightly less repulsive? Once again, manufacturers have allegedly turned to the somewhat ironic use of fruity goodness.
According to some rather questionable government statistics (all government statistics are somewhat questionable), young people are much more likely to become addicted to nice flavoured tobacco than tobacco-flavoured tobacco.
So, we arrive at a similar question to the one about alcopops: Is it possible that these products were invented largely to attract a younger market? Well, the UK government certainly thought so, which is why, in May 2020, they banned the sale of menthol cigarettes. Whether or not this made a difference regarding younger people taking up smoking is still a matter of some debate—it really depends on whose statistics you believe.
Interestingly, a number of other peculiar tobacco-related laws were introduced around the same time. For some reason, it was believed that making it illegal to sell less than 30g of tobacco at any one time would decrease consumption. In reality, what this meant was that anybody who smoked occasionally, for example, when they went out for a proper drinking session, could no longer buy the right amount of tobacco for one evening and would instead wake up the next morning with the lowered inhibitions caused by being drunk and hungover, along with three-quarters of a pouch of tobacco. You do the maths.
Although the United Kingdom keeps threatening us with new legislation that will eventually prevent anybody from smoking, the heart of the Treasury doesn’t really seem to be in it. Earlier this year, it was announced that the smoking age would rise every year so that those currently under the age of 18 would never legally be able to purchase tobacco products. While this may have worked on paper, I really can’t see the old lady who works for minimum wage in the corner shop bothering to keep track of all that changing information while remembering to ask almost everybody who wanted cigarettes for ID.
As far as I can tell, and I could be wrong about this, this idea was quietly dropped during the transition between the Labour and Tory governments. Nevertheless, it’s just possible that the writing may be on the wall when it comes to tobacco sales, so they have allegedly started to move on to a new, far more delicious method of nicotine distribution. Flavoured vapes are hardly disgusting at all. In fact, if you get the right flavour, even the start of your journey is rather pleasant.
Although you technically cannot buy nicotine-infused vapes under the age of 18, several independent studies have shown that this is very rarely enforced in practice. So, at the moment at least, companies can allegedly use sweet, delicious flavours to get children hooked on highly addictive chemicals.
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Gambling.
When I was about seven, my dad used to take my brothers and me to the arcades on Hayling Island. Although my brothers very much enjoyed playing the various shooting and driving games, the only machine that was really accessible to me was the one where you use two pence pieces to try and dislodge other two pence pieces. Even then, I never really saw the point in the gamble. After all, I already had a whole bag of coins, so why would I risk losing those on the off chance that I might win a few more?
That was until I realised that a lot of the UK two pence coins were magnetic. Using an exceptionally strong magnet that I found in my dad’s toolbox, I would dislodge the coins from the ledge. I later found out that the ledge itself is slightly magnetic in order to rig the game a little, and a huge pile of coins would crash up against the glass. Then, I would remove the magnet, and that pile would land neatly in the output tray. Interesting fact: while researching exactly why some of these coins are magnetic and others aren’t, I came across this information on the Royal Mint website: “The 2p coin is legal tender for amounts up to 20p.”
Had I known this 12 years ago, I could have wiped the smug smile off many customers when they paid for a beer in shrapnel and declared that I had to accept it because it was legal tender.
But what, you may ask, has all this got to do with kids and gambling? Well, nothing. That is, nothing except that I wanted to demonstrate just how different the world of gambling is for kids nowadays.
The gaming industry, like all industries anywhere ever, exists primarily to make money, and one of the easiest ways of making a little bit of extra money on top of the exorbitant price of your game is to throw in a little bit of gambling. The most common method of doing this is loot boxes.
Now, I’m absolutely not a gamer but, as far as I understand it, they work like this: in exchange for real or in-game currency, you can take a shot at a "random" generator of some sort. This generator, depending on the game, will then provide you with a shiny new sword, some sort of health top-up, a spiffy new hat, or nothing at all.
If your game is only marketed at adults, then this isn’t really a problem. I mean, it is taking advantage of the human propensity to become addicted to gambling, but adults should be responsible for their own actions. The problem arises when children get involved in the game. You really don’t have to Google too hard to find one story or another about a parent receiving hundreds of pounds in unexpected charges on their credit card because their child has been gambling in-game.
Sound familiar?
"They asked me if they could use my card to spend a fiver on a new game. It was only later that I found out you can buy credits in this game, and I got a bill for £700."
Sometimes, card issuers will refund this money, but in the UK at least, they are under no obligation to do so. If you knowingly allow somebody who isn’t you to use your card or have access to your PIN number, etc., you automatically forfeit all fraud protection that the card offers.
So, are gaming manufacturers including these things on purpose to take advantage of young, naïve children with access to their parents’ financial information while tempting them into a life of crippling gambling addiction? Probably. Should they stop? I don’t think so. As long as each game doesn’t break the law in whatever country it is released, then their conscience should remain fairly clean. It is not down to game manufacturers to change the law or parent for you. Ultimately, you are responsible for what your child does online.
If you are prepared to stick them in front of a distracting screen provided by a platform primarily designed for adults without thoroughly investigating that platform first, I think that’s kind of on you.
Obviously, mine is but one of many opinions, and I look forward to a lively discussion on the topic.
And that, ladies, gentlemen, Simon, Lorelei, brings us to the end of today’s script.
Before we go, a quick cautionary tale about kids appearing on social media, YouTube videos, adverts, etc. According to some research I did for another video a while back, a 12-year-old boy in Japan was pushed into being on a television advert by his parents. Unfortunately, the advert was for a version of DryNites pyjama pants or something similar, and he experienced so much bullying at school that he ended up taking his own life over it. Remember, people: the dangers are real.