Most times I’ve found myself surviving until the week is over. Pushing through just to make it to Sunday. I’ve never questioned why that is… just kinda went with it. I would see women and men around growing up routinely pushing until Sunday came. Oh but when it came there was a sudden burst of energy, a sense of relaxation and a bit of peace that would settle in their countenance.
As I write this I see my Granny’s face filled with the exhaustion of her day to day routine. Sadness of having to get up every day to what feels like no reward, or no end. But on Saturday she would rest lay around watching her shows or spend time with us. Then there was Sunday! She would wake up early, get her self washed up and half way ready. Putting a pot boiling water on the stove to make some grits, and eggs. Bacon in the oven. The smell I would wake to. An unforgettable core memory for me. While she would finish getting dressed and ready, putting on her black skirt suit and white blouse to usher that morning, she would ask me to stir the grits and add butter and salt. The gospel station would be on the stereo and there would be a humming of joy and content that filled the air.
it’s something about those Sunday mornings that were perfectly imperfect. To this day I find my self having that same feeling. But I’m leaving the older I get that I don’t want the rest of my days to look any different than that. But how can I change it? How can I go from surviving to living through the week? I’ve found that it takes intentionally. Something I’ve had to do more of in the past few years. Leaving that I’ve allowed my natural ability to just do things be my standard when it should’ve been the starting point. That doesn’t just go file my daily mundane routine, but for everything. The time I take to pay, Study, do my homework, love, upkeep, grow… it all takes more than the basics.
then there’s the obvious question of how do I push my self to be more intentional especially with adhd, grief and all of the other things that consume my thoughts?? That too takes time, prayer and grace. Trials and shoes. Figuring out what works best for you and what doesn’t work for you. It’s not easy until it is.
“You are my hiding place. You protect me from my troubles and fill me with songs of salvation.Selah The Lord says, “I will make you wise and show you where to go. I will guide you and watch over you.”
Psalms 32:7-8 NCV