"Skavild the Nord." said Ondolemar, the Second Archivist's secretary. "I must speak with you."
Skavild was not prepared for this. "You want to speak to me?"
"No. I have to."
"What about?" said Skavild.
"As inconvenient as it is, I would like to make an appointment."
"An appointment for what?" said Skavild.
"I will be brief. I am very aware of the oath you took in Hammerfell to put all four officers of the Thalmor over your knee. While I consider your intention to be a gross affront to my station, I am also aware that Nords honour their oaths to the last.
Though it pains me to say it, I respect this virtue of your race. I myself am of an elevated and ancient family, and honour is important to us too. And we also carry a proud tradition of never once having changed our minds about anything regardless of all its impracticality."
Skavild said, "You want me to smack you on the arse?"
"No, of course I don't want you to. But I do know that unless I make an appointment, you will do it when I am not expecting it, and I will probably be startled, and cause you a serious injury, and the Second Archivist will be displeased with me."
"Well, all right, I'm just glad you're taking this seriously. I haven't seen the other three since yesterday. What about just before lunch on Middas?"
"I can't." said Ondolemar. "I have a meeting with Ambassador Elenwen about my brain."
"But those meetings are usually quick, aren't they? All right, two o'clock." said Skavild.
"But I tell you, what, you'd better not be wearing that." he said.
"This is insufferable behaviour." said Ondolamr. "I only wish we had arrived in Skyrim to keep an eye on things sooner. The Second Archivist praised you, so now you think you can tell me how to dress? Your arrogance is beyond comprehension."
"No, look, look, you bird-hatted lunatic, I didn't mean it like that, it's just, it's Eldaline who asked you to wear that, and supposing someone sees? I thought you of everybody'd want to keep your dignity." said Skavild.
"This is true. Dignity is very important. I shall consider your suggestion very carefully."
"Imagine if Eldaline saw." said Skavild.
Ondolemar said, "I imagine she would say it was an insult to my office."
"Yeah, that." said Skavild, writing the appointment in his diary before things became any worse.
"All right. Two o'clock at Middas. Might as well get it over with, eh?"
"... Thank you, Skavild."
"Not a problem." said Skavild.
"No."
"No."
"Bye!"
"See you later!"
"Yes."
"Yes."
"I'm just going over here now." said Ondolemar.
"That's fine." said Skavild. "I'm just going over there."
"I thought you handled the situation very well, Skavild." said Junior Archivist Halthir, who had been standing at the other side of the library.
"Why don't you stop silently listening to people's private conversations silently that don't concern you and have nothing to do with you and are private and what you're not supposed to be listening to silently." explained Skavild.
"As a matter of fact, I'm pleased with the way Eldaline's secretary has obviously spent a long time trying to come up with the least damaging solution to a thorny problem." he continued. "Did you help him?"
"Yes." said Halthir.
"What do you think you're doing interfering in matters that don't concern you because they're private and all arranged by people concerned privately without you having nothing to do with you at all and what do you mean by it."
"Well, I'm sorry, Skavild." said Halthir. "I was only trying to avoid injuries to staff and the contents of the office. The Second Archivist's secretary is very good at summoning localised storm clouds."
"Well. It was prob'ly helpful." Skavild looked through the contents of the desk as busily as he could.
"What's this? Oh, it can't be! I still haven't dropped off that new book for my Ma. I got distracted and forgot when you got kidnapped that time. It must have been sitting here for weeks."
"Nice to know my Ma's mind is still being kept sharp with all these books she orders. She gets advance copies, you know, and pays extra. I tell her, 'Ma, the story's not going to change 'cause you read it a month later, you shouldn't go wasting your Legion pension on-' Oh, it's another adventure tale by Doryli Vlars, she said she likes those.
'Astalinda had always wanted to hold the Orb of Ages'..." Skavild turned several pages at a time. "... 'of a time abandoned to legend... With the orb in my possession, all the world shall call me Mistress...' Ha, sounds like someone I know. ...
'Hold, sorceress, in the name of the gods, and surrender to the Knights of the Shining Phalanx.' Where have I heard that name before? 'Fools, you cannot hope to... Astalinda snarled as they...' huh, I see the orb didn't work... 'Chapter 4: To his own manful shame, the chaste knight trembled as the sorceress...'"
"By the Nine! Oh, gods, would you look at this? It's not allowed, is what it is, you can't write that, there are laws."
"Is the book exciting, Skavild?" said Junior Archivist Halthir. "Can I see?"
"Don't look! 'As Sir Zenoric...' ahh! 'And Astalina could only... Sir Gregory firmly grasped...' Oh, gods! This is not proper knightly behaviour at all! 'And all the while, Sir Malkourt wielded the...' Oh, gods!
"Imagine impressionable young people reading this kind of thing and thinking that's how you do it."
"I imagine they would probably realise that it was just a story, Skavild."
"Well, I'm not going to stand for this sort of thing. I like dirty books as much as any Nord, but they should at least have proper covers so sweet old ladies like my Ma don't accidentally buy 'em and read 'em. Doryli Vlars. Should have known it'd be a Dunmer, with a name like that. Mad about their dirty books, they are, and they can't do nothing about it, it's just their nature... 'Also by the same author:
Valise, the Wilful Breton Knight.
Hyneldor the Pirate.
Vanteas and Sabiton.
Carinalda's Stern Mistress.
Ollani and Tynos (The Ayleid Princess and the Unruly Slave)' Well, that's quite enough of that."
"My Ma can't have known what she was buying. I'll go and see her this afternoon."
Jarl Elisif the Fair of Solitude was minding her own business.
She was recently widowed, and therefore distracted, which was the reasoning of most of the court.
And it would explain why she walked straight past her own cousin without recognising her.
"Dear Cousin Elisif!" cried the Duchess of Anticlere. "How wonderful to see you at last! Your Uncle Tynus sends his warmest regards, as does my beloved brother Sabiton!"
Jarl Elisif looked very much as though she was about to speak, but no noises were issued, although she was making a clear attempt at several.
"Has it been so long? I remember you wrote to me, saying, "Cousin Malvilda, it has been five years...' Yes - five years! Gosh! And - gods witness me! - you do not look any older for them."
The Jarl's steward looked quite suspicious of the Duchess.
"Do not fear, Cousin. I am here for the Heart's Day Feast - Leave everything to Cousin Malvilda, Lady Flyte, and her wonderful Knights of the Shining Phalanx. We are old hands at feast day arrangements! On my honour - I shan't be leaving your side for some time."
Jarl Elisif said, "Ohhh Cousin Malvilda! I am so happy to see you!"
"And this flame-haired specimin of devastatingly handsome noble manhood I see! Do not tell me - you must be Falk Firebeard - My friend Ollani was telling me how my cousin depends on you.
Jarl Elisif must have told you a great deal about me, and the magnificent fun we used to have before we were well and truly whalloped by the loneliness of command."
"Ohhh." Falk said as well. "A great deal, Lady Flyte! It is my honour to meet you at last."
The Jarl thought, And you too, Falk?
continues