The Duchess of Anticlere - 12

The Duchess of Anticlere - 12

Jun 09, 2022

image

Eldaline was doing something she would never admit to enjoying, which was telling people they were wrong from an elevated position. Today, this was in the outdoor amphitheatre of the Bards' College grounds. It was a nice day and she had agreed to hold the seminar outdoors. Hopefully somebody would be assassinated and the course would conclude early.

image

"Scenario the First. Mr Argonian tells Mrs Khajiit that he saw Miss Orc, the Legionnaire, patrolling the bridge, and Mr Dunmer asked her the best way to Aleswell. Miss Orc says, in true Orcish form, 'What do I look like, a traffic report?'. What does Mrs Khajiit say to Mr Argonian?" Then Eldaline turned away from the sun, because it kept appearing, and whenever it did it made her sad.

image

"How rude." said the one Eldaline was calling The Wheel is Turning But the Hamster is Dead.

"Theees one eees hardly surprised." said the one Eldaline had quietly named Hiding Under a Hood, Probably Low Hairline.

image

"It is childish to make fun of the way people speak. Scenario the Second. Mr Argonian tells Mrs Khajiit that he saw Miss Orc, the Legionnaire, patrolling the bridge, and Mr Dunmer asked her the best way to Aleswell. Miss Orc proceeded to run Mr Dunmer through with her sword, killing him. What does Mrs Khajiit say to Mr Argonian?"

image

"'How typical of the Orcs...'" said Hiding Low Hairline.

"'The Legion should not employ Orcs.'" said Hamster Dead.

"'This Empire is going to the...' no, wait." said the one Eldaline had called Slightly Less Stupid than Hamster Dead, Probably Has Cleverer Siblings, Why Didn't They Send Them Instead.

image

"You look quite cross, Second Archivist. Is that not the correct answer?"

image

"'Well, there must have been more to it than that.'" Said All Right I Suppose, I Fought With His Father, He Is Greatly Missed. "Perhaps we do not know the full story. What was their history? Did Mr Dunmer do anything else to deserve it? Undoubtedly.'"

"Ha." said the one Eldaline called Always Looks Stunned, from under his own hood.

image

"And then Mr Argonian might say..."

image

'And there are a great many Dunmer in Cyrodiil these days' as though that somehow excuses a murder, though he does not explain how."

image

"And do they not first hurry to cross-reference this simple hearsay with the accounts of possible witnesses?"

image

"In the first scenario, perhaps. In the second, of course not."

image

"Why of course not?"

image

All Right I Suppose hesitated for a moment. "In the first instance, they might. Because it concerns an insult, and is less dangerous."

image

"But they are unlikely to, Second Archivist, in case they discovered it was not true, and they had nothing to be lightly outraged about." said Slightly Less Stupid.

image

"Exploiting common prejudice was yesterday. Today we are taking advantage of irrational optimism."

image

"In the second instance, the more immediate priority is to rearrange reality into a state where the murder was normal, even excusable."

image

Eldaline made her way down the stairs. "And why do they say these absurd things?"

image

"Because inexplicable injustice drives us mad." said All Right I Suppose.

"Because it is unjust, or because it is inexplicable?" said Eldaline.

"Both."

image

"Yes. But which is easiest to rectify?"

image

"It is easier to explain it than to make it just."

image

"Again. With more cowbell. It is for our enemies to wallow in murky logic. I require an accurate answer."

image

"It is comforting to explain it and impossible to make it just." said All Right I Suppose.

His name, you mean learn in time, was actually Vonatir, and despite herself, Eldaline knew it.

image

"You've brought me a troupe of imbeciles who joined for the nice robe." said Eldaline. "See to it that they never get one, Agent Orriley."

"Oh, that's not fair, Eldaline. They have to go somewhere. We both know what can happen to young Altmer with nothing better to do with their time."

image

"Low-grade, juvenile bigotry and xenophonic fabrication. It makes me sick. Not of the standard we produce at the Bureau at all. I only want Vonatir, the rest can stay in the Imperial City. I don't want that Hamster one. For goodness' sake, keep that Hamster one away from me or I'll do her an injury."

image

"Hamster One? What do you mean, Eldaline?"

image

"I can't be expected to remember names."

"You remembered Vonatir's name."

image

"Yes, but I've known him since he was an elflet. I'm just glad he doesn't have that pathetic little face anymore, and the little whining voice."

"I'll see what I can do." said Agent Orriley. "Is there space in your office for another agent?"

"Space for another two." said Eldaline. "Just not the Dead Hamster."

"This has been noted." said Orriley.

"Congratulations on becoming a grandmother. What is the name again?"

"Gildarien."

"I will never remember that."

image

"Follow me, my darling Aralina." said the ghost of Emperor Pelagius Septim III.

"Where are we going?" Aralina followed Pelagius through the winding and forgotten tunnels of the Blue Palace.

image

"I want to show you something wonderful!"

"I like wonderful things." said Aralina.

"I think I do..." said Erdi.

They emerged suddenly into a long courtyard with the evening light above, and trees towering in from beyond the walls.

image

Aralina stopped and examined an object along the way. "A dead body." she explained.

"You're right." said Erdi.

image

She wandered a little further. "Another dead body. Where can they all be coming from?"

"Surprise!" said Pelagius.

image

"I hope you like these wedding presents, as much as I enjoyed making them, my beloved!"

image

Aralina quietly made her way through the open courtyard into the next tunnel. Which emerged into a library.

"The spiders told me you would love the presents." Pelagius was explaining. "I am glad they were right."

"It looks just like the library at the Bureau of Advanced Communications." she said. "Because there are no books."

"The lady who whispered in the corridors came and borrowed every single book. They were all by Doryli Vlars. She said she wanted to study them carefully." said Pelagius.

image

"Who is Doryli Vlars?" said Aralina. Down the steps she went, and down again into the room beyond, which looked exactly like the first room she had seen, only backwards, like a mirror.

"Doryli Vlars writes romantic books." said Erdi. "The Jarl doesn't allow the books in the palace, because the King didn't like them. And this gate is locked."

image

Pelagius had seated himself in a chair in the new room, much as he had been found in the old room. "I would show you the outside world beyond the gates, my darling." said Pelagius. "But I feel so terribly manly and protective today. I don't think I shall. Besides, you would cease to exist if you went outside. That is what happens with figments of my imagination."

"But I am not a figment, I am the commander of Second Archivist Eldaline's security detail. I am required to exist in order to perform this very important function."

image

"My last dinner guest told me that everybody was mad, and I should humour them. But the lady who whispered, who drove him away, explained that actually, everybody was imaginary. Let me demonstrate." he said, getting up. "Do you enjoy playing cards, my beloved imaginary wife?"

image

"I adore playing cards!" Aralina said.

"As a common hallucination, it will be impossible for you to vanquish me. Will you let me beat you at cards, beloved Aralina?"

image

"Please, do demonstrate!" said Aralina.

image

continues

Enjoy this post?

Buy CKord a coffee

More from CKord