"So, Agent Aralina, as instructed, tensed her arm slightly and pressed her forearm towards me as I locked the manacles in place. This will provide the illusion of a fractionally-wider wrist and aid her in her escape, as it causes the restraint to become locked towards her arm."
"Forgive my interruption, Commander Sarendil." said the wood elf Escapology student. "Will this not contract the overall surface area of the wrist, rather than expand it?"
"Well-spotted, my good Bosmer. As you will have remarked, I said 'the illusion' of a wider wrist."
"Is this everybody, Commander?" said the chief of Special Corridor Patrol.
"Yes, thank you. Lock the door from the outside and go away."
"From the outside? Well, I can't lock it from the inside, can I? Then I'd have to go in and stay in there with you. And then I wouldn't be able to go away."
"Thank you, Special Corridor Patrol, that will be all."
"Ahem. Agent Aralina, can you fold your thumb inwards?"
"No."
"Are you sure? I haven't done anything that would interfere with this movement. And you have to do this to get out of the manacles. Keep trying. A second volunteer, please."
"Me! Me!" said all remaining unchosen students.
"Not all at once. You there, with the funny warpaint."
"Hooray!"
"Now." said the commander. "While Agent Aralina is trying to remember how to use her hand in a normal way, I want you to shake one of these hairpins out of your pony-tail, and catch it in your hand."
"Ooooh." said the student.
"Did I say something wrong?" said Commander Sarendil. "I don't understand why you're all so nervous."
"This is all very well, Commander." said the wood-elf. "But what about Imperial standard 'Blacklight Special 200' range double-locked manacles with Orichalcum-coated pin, extra-scratchy cheek-plates and amplified chain noise?"
"Getting ahead of ourselves, are we? Very well. Would you like to volunteer for this technique?"
"This is fun." said Aralina.
"Oh, please let me, Commander Sarendil, I've been waiting ten whole minutes!" said the other student.
"Very well, come over here."
"Ha ha, yes, that will do very well." said the wood-elf. "With those three out of the way, Commander, it's time for you to bid farewell to this mortal plain!"
"Is this supposed to happen?" said one of the Escapologist hopefuls.
"Yes, I'm sure it's part of the lesson, for added realism." said Aralina.
"No, it isn't, a spy is trying to assassinate me!" said Commander Sarendil.
"It does look very real, Agent Aralina!"
"Oh, dear!" said Aralina.
"Have at thee, foul scourge of Anvil!" said the wood-elf.
"Surrender, assassin!" said Commander Sarendil, and as he raised his two handed sword he was forced to waste this maneouvre to side-step a sudden jab from the assassin's short sword. "You will never escape even if you cut me down."
"Ha! Blackguard, you underestimate your enemy once again!" said the assassin.
"As do you, miserable dastard!" said the commander.
They continued with many such varied and traditional insults as their swords clashed.
"Oh, gods. Not you again." said the gate guard.
"Oh, gods, not you again, Second Archivist." said Second Archivist Eldaline.
"Sorry, Second Archivist, that's what I meant to say. I mean, I didn't..."
"Where is Flopsy?" demanded Eldaline.
"Flopsy?" said the guard.
"You know who I mean. The flopsy one with the flopsy ears. Where is she? Is she with Commander Sarendil?"
"Yes, Second Archivist! If you hurry, you might catch them before they begin the Escapology course."
"Let's see them try to escape from me!"
"I'm sorry, Second Archivist?"
"It's all right. Don't do it again."
"You will regret your impetuous incursion, foolish wretch!" cried Commander Sarendil.
"Hyah!" the Bosmer assassin lunged with reckless savagery.
"I shall fetch help, Commander!" said Aralina, shuffling towards the door.
"Hurry, Agent Aralina!" screamed the nearest student.
"Oh, no! She's fallen over! What kind of a useless agent just falls over? Her legs aren't even tied together!"
"Ahh! Ahh!" squealed the other student.
Aralina laboriously snaked out of the way of the skirmishing swordsmer like an erratic banana. Or a laborious snake.
"You will not escape our justice, Sarendil!" shouted the assassin.
Eldaline was terribly angry. If she was honest with herself, which she unfortunately was, she had forbidden Aralina from attending the Escapology course merely as a means of affirming her own authority. It was a childish tactic of commanders she did not respect.
But she was consequently so angry with herself that she had to become even angrier with Aralina to compensate and maintain balanced levels of anger.
"Is everything all right, Second Archivist?" said a drinking soldier.
"Yes, thank you, I am perfectly happy with my situation, thank you." said Eldaline.
"Yaaaaaargh!" The wood-elf assassin, with all the astonishing speed of his kind, leapt towards the commander and found the backward slash of his blade blocked by the quick response of his opponent's sword. But his shoulder still found Commander Sarendil's chest and knocked him to the stone floor.
"Ha! It seems that your affection for restraints has proved your undoing, Commander."
"Why does everybody think I like restraints? I don't. I like escaping from them."
"Flopsy? What in Oblivion is going on in there? Commander Sarendil? Unlock this door."
"The door is locked from the outside and Special Corridor Patrol has the key, Second Archivist!"
"Damn everything to Dagon's big box of Earthquakes and back! I passed her going the other way. Out of the way!"
"I can't watch!" said one of the Escapology students.
"You wait until I get in there!" snarled Eldaline, temporarily becoming so cross that she forgot she could blast the door open with magic. Anyway, kicking the door was more satisfying.
"Help, help." said Agent Aralina, though from whom this help was requested I cannot say.
"Oh, your turn will come soon enough, vile harpies." said the wood-elf, as he advanced on the fallen commander.
"Second Archivist Eldaline! You've come to rescue me! Again!" Aralina cried, as the lock gave way, as a result of effective magic rather than useless kicking.
"Guess again!" said Eldaline. "However,"
An airless vortex of lightning seized the wood-elf whole and began to contract around him as he was pulled into the air.
"Ahh!" he screamed. "What evil magic is this? The pain! No! The pain!"
"Ooh, no. This is not pain. This is a teddy-bears' picnic. But I was about to show you pain. Who sent you?"
"You'll have to kill me, Thalmor! I'll never talk!"
"That is not true. Similar words I once spoke, and everybody gives way in the end. Everybody denies their dignity, and everybody cries on the scaffold. Can you see the eyes of the Princes, poor soul? Hope is long fled and your friends have already perished. Go to them now, and call their names, or be forever lost in the darkness."
"I heard shouting, is there anything I can d- ooooooh" said Special Corridor Patrol.
The wood-elf ceased hovering and crumpled onto the flagstones. "No! No! Tree-Thane Haelwyng! I have failed! We have failed! The Blades have led us astray! There never was hope!"
"Flopsy, make a note of what the assassin said."
"But, Second Archivist..."
"Will you defy me in this as well?" Eldaline demanded.
She produced a furious storm cloud to remove any further need for hope from the wood-elf. "I do not need your name. Tree-Thane Haelwyng will surely know to which assassin he owes his betrayal to the Dominion."
Eldaline's shoulders slumped and she breathed out slowly. "As with most things in this keep, that was utterly depressing, badly-organised and quite unnecessary. Search his body for any other evidence, Flopsy."
"Yes, Second Archivist."
continues!