D.P.F. 5: The Bath House of Lainlyn

D.P.F. 5: The Bath House of Lainlyn

Mar 25, 2022

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In this chapter, the staff of the Bureau of Advanced Communications have a bath.  Previously, they were rude to many people in the town in Hammerfell they are visiting for the ceremony, and many of the inhabitants are very angry with them.

"What in the... It's the early hours of the morning and you're all drinking in the bath?" demanded Skavild.
"No! Do not look upon me! I am indecent!" shouted Aralina, against all possible evidence.
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"There's only one thing indecent, and that's how long you've let us wait for you. We're all tired and we want to get back to Cyrus' house."
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"It is not allowed for men to look at ladies in the bath!"
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"Where in Oblivion's Eldaline got to?" said Skavild.
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The soldier called Aranwen waved at him. "It's all right, Skavild, I'm not shy. In fact, I'm dangerously intoxicated. This wine is great. Do you want to look at my breasts?"
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"It is not allowed to show your breasts to a man!" insisted Aralina. "I must write to my mother to tell her about this."
"Oh, by the Nine." said Skavild. "What's going on in here?"
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"Skavild?" said Eldaline. "I'm afraid you can't come in. The bath is full."
"I said, 'What's going on?' Not 'I want to get in'."
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"The Second Archivist has too much tension in her shoulders. So I'm rubbing them." said Ondolemar.
Eldaline said, "Oh, gods, yes you are, you magnificent golden secretary."
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Ondolemar sat down. "The Second Archivist always likes to have her shoulders rubbed in the bath."
"Now you've made him stop, Skavild. Can I help you with something?"
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"We've been waiting more'n six hours for you to finish your blasted private party. You're so damned inconsiderate, you know."
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"Really, inconsiderate?" said Eldaline. "Perhaps an Altmer Library Assistant could competently memorise the hundred and twelve verses of the Long Bookshelf Mantra, as you were supposed to, and would not embarrass me in front of my colleagues, then I would not have this excessive tension in my shoulders. But I do not suppose you had thought of that, as you are the one who is inconsiderate."
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"But the Long Shelf Mantra is ridiculous. I don't even believe in the First Spirit Librarian or the Archiving Ancestors. I think librarians just made 'em up to make 'emselves feel important."
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"Really? But if that were true, Skavild, groups of people all over Tamriel might be... Oh, never mind. What did you want again?"
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"To tell you to hurry up because the rest of us want to get some sleep, and we're all feeling sour that you haven't invited us to your drunken orgy."
"Very well, Skavild. I will allow you to drink some of this excellent wine and help rub my shoulders."
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"Oh, get lost, Eldaline." said Skavild.
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"Well," she said. "I cannot think why else you would pursue me into the bathroom."
"You're a vile conceited long-eared harpy." said Skavild.
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"Are you sure I can't teach him better manners, Second Archivist?" said Ondolemar.
Eldaline said, "Leave him be."
"... and nobody wants to put their hands on your damn bony shoulders unless it's to think about twisting your neck..." shouted Skavild.
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"... because you're a troupe of arrogant wretches, coming to Hammerfell when you're not wanted and pressing your luck with people too polite and decent to tell you where to shove your divinity, but it's only a matter of time before these Redguards lose patience, and when it happens, you won't see me stopping 'em."
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"Aw, he's jealous because he's in love with the Second Archivist." said Aranwen.
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"Aranwen," Aralina explained: "that is a grossly inappropriate thing for a subordinate to say."
"It is not." said Aranwen.
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"Yes it damn well is!" cried Skavild, and he stormed off.  This was difficult as he still had nowhere to storm off to and had to wait for them to finish their bath before he could leave the town. But he didn't think of such things when his blood ran too hot.
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It was still very dark when Eldaline had finished her bath, and she unsteadily stalked out into the dark street to alert one of their guards that they could now be escorted back to the house of Cyrus the Librarian.
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And the stars were still bright when Skavild was awoken by a loud cry, followed by the sound of a wheezing person slumping down a wall.
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"Aranwen?" Skavild was mildly less furious, and had been since finally getting to bed. But now he was awake again. He wasn't sure if it had been an hour, or ten minutes. "Was that you? Halthir! Halthir, wake up, that drunken idiot soldier must have hit her head on a shelf."
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"Mrf?" said Archivist Halthir.
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"No!" Aranwen gasped, and then she was quiet.
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"Shor's bones, she's the wrong shade of lime green." said Skavild. "Aranwen, how many bottles did you drink? Hey... she's hardly breathing. She's sweating ice."
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"I shall fetch Agent Aralina!" said Archivist Halthir. Then he remembered something.
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"No... Junior Archivist Linvel!"
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"Mrf?" said Very Junior Archivist Linvel.
"Please inform Agent Aralina that her soldier is very unwell. As quickly as you can."
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When Very Junior Archivist Linvel reached the upstairs guest rooms, the first thing she noticed, even before the enormous amount of dolls, was that Agent Aralina was not in better health than her soldier, and no amount of shaking could rouse her.
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The Second Archivist's secretary appeared to have crumpled onto the soft carpet close by and was equally cold and short of breath.
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"Skavild, Skavild!" cried Linvel. "Agent Aralina is very ill! I tried to tell the Second Archivist's secretary and he will not wake! Some terrible evil has befallen them!"
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"Please, Junior Archivist Linvel, do not abandon your dignity in this way." said Archivist Halthir. "Are the symptoms the same? How have you tried to wake them? Be precise! Did you try saying 'Praise Talos!'?"
"Yes, Archivist Halthir, as a last resort, and there was no response. They are glassy-eyed and pale green."
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"Kyne help us, they've been poisoned. I warned them, I... Eldaline!" Skavild darted past the helpful junior archivists and climbed the stairs three at a time.
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"Eldaline, are you all right?"
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"El... Hey! Wake up!"
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Eldaline was in bed and did not wake up.
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Skavild knelt down to examine her. "You're cold too... you're green too." he said. And this was true.
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To the lonesome noise of Very Junior Archivist Linvel wailing and running around in circles downstairs, Skavild sat heavily on the bed. "I didn't mean it." he said. "What I said before. I mean, I'm sorry I didn't stop 'em. Whoever they are."
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continues.

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