"My arrow struck a moment before the metal man's sword. He crumpled apart before my eyes and parts of him rolled away, including the big balls. Why are you laughing, Second Archivist, I was very frightened.
The next metal man I met was already in two-legged form. Although I saw no visible balls, he ran at me, squirting steam everywhere. It was very hot.
He was so enormous I was not sure I could take him.
But I set about him with all the ardor I possessed, and only a moment later he squirted his last and fell flat on his back.
I even got on top of him to make sure there would be no more squirting.
Did you know, Second Archivist Eldaline, that the Dwemer built rooms that go up and down?"
"I did know." said Eldaline. "It is evil sorcery."
"Oh, but it was such fun, Madam, I confess I went up and down several times before I remembered my mission.
And at last, I had found the Orrery of Stros M'kai.
I secured my grappling hook and began to climb up to find the lenses you specified in your instructions. Facing north-west, south-east and north.
But it was my first time climbing an Orrery, Second Archivist, and the arm began to turn and the rope began to spin.
It went round and round
and round and round and round and round
and round and round
and round and round and round."
"Yes, Flopsy, I think I understand. Then what happened?"
"I got dizzy, Madam, and I was lying on the Orrery trying to get my bearings for some time. But I could not find up or down, let alone north.
For some minutes I lay there, pondering my pathetic uselessness and lamenting how disappointed you would be that the Empire would not be thwarted.
I resolved to do my best and guess what direction I had been facing. Unfortunately the room was a perfect octagon, I could not see the door, and I could hear strange voices from without.
I removed the three lenses I believed to be correct and climbed down. Only once I had found the door did I understand that I had taken all the wrong ones.
But the voices persisted, Second Archivist, and in panic I fled.
I never spoke of my failure, and now you have given wrong information to the Penitus Oculatus, who will surely betray all the secrets Skavild has stolen from you."
"All right, soldier, I've heard enough. Fetch me a clean robe and meet me at the Embassy in dress uniform in two hours."
"Yes, Madam. Of course."
"The Second Archivist has requested that I commend you for services to the Aldmeri Dominion beyond the natural demands of your duty as a soldier, and requested a commission for you to serve the Thalmor. I have agreed to have this arranged." said the Ambassador. "Is this to your satisfaction, Second Archivist?"
"Thank you, Madam Ambassador." said the Second Archivist.
"Oh, Ambassador Elenwen and Second Archivist, I am so happy and thankful! I must write to my mother immediately! She will be so proud that she will stop asking me to get married.
"This office carries with it many privileges not afforded to the common soldiery, including access to restricted tools, spells and information, and a darker and more menacing helmet."
"Your preparation for greatness begins now. Congratulations, Agent Flopsy."
"Aralina! I mean Aralina!"
"It's all right, Ambassador, you can call me whatever you like, I don't mind. I am so relieved, quite honestly, I thought I was in some sort of trouble at first."
"Is it because I read all of your educational literature, Second Archivist? Oh, I knew it would make you happy if I read it. And honestly, I enjoyed it all very much and it was not only so you would be nice to me. Is that the reason, Second Archivist Eldaline?"
"Yes."
"You seem a little unsteady, Second Archivist Eldaline." said Elenwen. "Perhaps you should sit down. I will attach Agent Aralina to the Bureau of Advanced Communications, since she has been so useful to you."
"That is very kind of you, Madam Ambassador. We will be very happy to keep her."
"And when you are less unsteady, Eldaline, I will speak to you on the gallery."
"It might interest you to know that we went to great lengths to secure a magnificent glass sword taken from an Aldmeri champion as a trophy when the Imperial City was lost to us." said Elenwen. "It was being ferried to Skyrim aboard the Icerunner when it sank."
Eldaline said, "That is very sad."
"Although my sources now tell me that the sword is somehow with the temple of Dibella in Markarth. It can be retrieved, as her family thought you might like to have it."
"I would rather it stayed in the temple, Madam Ambassador." said Eldaline.
"They were led to believe that you were very fond of her."
"Perhaps I was. Perhaps I have witnessed her death enough times without the instrument of it being in my house, Madam Ambassador."
"You need a short nap and a long project. I might have something for you." said the Ambassador. "I will have to see."
"Hello, Tullius." said Commander Andalius Cosori of the Penitus Oculatus.
"A pleasure to see you again so soon, Andalius. What can I do for you?"
"I stopped by to say my farewells. I'm being recalled to the Imperial City before my retirement. I'm afraid I was seen committing an indiscretion by most of my inspectors in Dragon Bridge and we're eager to brush the incident under the carpet. Mind if I sit down for a moment? Head's a bit funny."
"An indiscretion, Andalius? You? I'm sad to hear it. But you have an immaculate service record."
"And it doesn't exempt me from making one mistake, when I should be an example to my men. Anyway, Vilona wants to spend some time on the estate in Leyawijn. She says she's sick of spies. Not that I blame her, after my twenty-five year obsession with the Imperial Orrery."
"I heard you were close to an answer." said General Tullius.
"And I got it. But I'll be passing on my information to my good friend Luridius Amavo. After all he's done for me, letting him wrap up the matter is the least I can give him in return."
"That's awfully good of you, Andalius."
"The fact is, Tullius, I celebrated after getting that information by engaging in a wanton drunken orgy with Second Archivist Eldaline of the Thalmor. The situation became extremely complicated, and inspectors tend to remember when you run out into the courtyard in your underclothes with an elf."
"I see." said General Tullius. "Well, I know these things happen. I'll keep what you told me in the strictest confidence, and so will Legate Rikke."
"Suit yourself, Tullius. I'm telling everybody."
Concludes next time