#9 Two words, FREE FORMALDEHYDE
#8 The funeral home lets you use the hearse when you go on dates
#7 You now get "more action" than when you were on Tinder
#6 The cremation chamber makes for one hell of a pizza oven
#5 You're allowed to put clown make-up on the departed before the viewing
#4 The mortuary's body freezers can hold a shit ton of frozen burritos
#3 You get first shot at the widows/widowers
#2 You're allowed to keep all of the spare change that falls out of pockets
#1 There's always someone to spoon with at night
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