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My Former Narcissistic Boss

My Former Narcissistic Boss

Jul 05, 2023

In my last actual job back in 2016, I was an administrative assistant for two lawyers. One was the typical, all-about-the-money kind of guy, but you could at least carry on a casual conversation with him. The other lawyer, well, let’s just say there was history with him, before taking the job.

When I met my future husband, I worked as a dialysis technician, while he was a patient. He was my first practice patient on taking needles out of an arm after a treatment. We did not go out on our first date until I quit the job. That is a whole other story for another day.

My husband worked and lived on the premises of an aftercare prison ministry. Guys who were getting paroled, had the option of living at this place to eventually work their way into a job and living on their own. My husband’s job was to take the former inmates to appointments, jobs, church, etc.…

There were office staff, and also a board of directors that ran the ministry. One of the board members was the lawyer who would be my future boss. He said and did all the nice bullshit. He gave to charities, helped the former inmates, and did all the upstanding things, appearing to be a class act “Christian.” He even preached on the pulpit every so often at the local church. All outer appearances would say he lived his life as a loving, compassionate person, very Christ-like. Wrong.

When my husband and I got married, he moved in with my daughter and I back in April 2012. He was still helping out at the ministry. His main income was from temporary disability SSI. My lease would be up in August so we needed to decide to stay at the apartment or go elsewhere. The lawyer made promises to help us find a place in the same town as the ministry. Even promised my husband a better position at the ministry so he could eventually get off of disability. I knew in my gut, from the interactions with this lawyer, he was full of crap. He portrayed himself in public one way, but in private it was a different scenario. Fake is all this guy knew to do. I knew it.

My husband hemmed and hawed and I finally caved, allowing this lawyer to help secure a place to live close to the ministry. He would front the money for a cheap place, where we would pay back with low interest. We moved into the duplex in August of 2012. I felt ill from the get-go on moving to the town, my husband staying on at the ministry. The whole situation was unsettling.

As time went on, and both my husband and I helped out at the ministry, things started to surface. He had been loyal to this place for the past ten years and none of them complained about his service. The promise of the new job never happened, as were my husband seemingly unable to do anything correctly at the ministry. The higher-ups suddenly had issues with how my husband did his job. He stopped working at the ministry in February 2013. He continued giving bible studies with the guys but no other volunteering.

We knew that we needed to bring in a little extra money. His SSI and my child support were not quite enough to make it. So, reluctantly, he talked to the lawyer friend to see if there were any openings at his company. After months of back and forth, I finally started working for the lawyer in November 2013. On my very first day, he felt the need to yell at me in front of my manager. Now keep in mind, I hadn’t started any actual work, my manager was showing me around, familiarizing me with the job. The lawyer got in my face about how I better not ever speak about any of his clients to anyone outside of the office. My manager and I both gave him a dumbfounded look. He stormed out, and I asked her what his deal is. She shook her head and said she had no clue. That was my cue I should have walked the hell away that day. But, stupidly, and naively, I felt I had no other choice but to work there. My work history, plus my mental health, prevented me from believing I could walk out.

I continued to work for this individual on and off from 2013 until May 2016. Years of his endless telling me I did things wrong but never explaining exactly where I screwed up. The other ladies in the office all dealt with his tirades. It was a horrendous work environment for all of us. It was too toxic, the other women were on anti-depressants because of the working conditions. We all believed we could not survive without him as our employer.

My father passed away in January 2015, leaving me with a somewhat substantial inheritance. I used the money to not only pay off the duplex the lawyer paid for but also was able to secure newer used cars and set aside some money for us to live off. I don’t know why I still went back to work for this man even though I paid our debt back to him. I suppose it was a mental thing with me, feeling I still owed something.

I finally broke on May 11th, 2016. I was working and answered a call asking for the boss. I had no idea it was a salesperson. I buzzed the lawyer and he took the call. He buzzed me on my phone, proceeding to yell and scream at me about not vetting those calls. I about lost control. My manager was standing up front with the receptionist. I looked at her and told her I needed to step away for a bit. I got in my car, drove to the local park, and screamed at the top of my lungs. When I finally cooled down, I called my manager. I told her today was my last day and I would not return.

I went back to the office, only because the lawyer left for a golf outing. I finished my shift at 3 p.m. I never went back to work for him again.

Unfortunately, my daughter did not take my advice and began working for him later that year. She experienced the same put-downs, but much worse. He would tell her to her face that she was an idiot. I wanted so badly to step in and go tell him off.

My daughter is one tough cookie. She endured his abusive behavior for a year and a half. She could calmly sit with the lawyer and explain each time he made her feel stupid. I give full respect to her since I could never tell him to his face how I felt calmly.

It’s been over four years since she quit. She would run into him when she attended church. He never acknowledged or said hello to her on any of those occasions, and she was fine with it.

I saw him this past week at the local Starbucks which is right by the courthouse. I caught a glimpse of his figure and heard his voice while he ordered his drink. My husband spotted him too. We both sat in silence. My hands shook. Every core of my being was triggered by the horrible memories of this lawyer. I breathed to calm down.

I glimpsed up from my phone as I saw the lawyer walk past and leave. I told my husband I was thankful no words were exchanged. I am healing from past wounds. The lawyer is one of the people I cannot stand to be in the same room with, without the possibility of me exploding verbally to them. In the past, I can be in the same room, and not blink an eye or get upset. The lawyer, right now, is not one of them. Maybe one day, I can stand without flinching if I come across him, but not right now.

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