For a few hours, the distraction works. I can wash the skin, but I cannot wash away the memory.
Photo by peter bucks on Unsplash
everything
is fucking awesome
me, being surrounded by friends
the music playing loud
holding my Martini
i lose myself in the crowd
like a celebrity
the next morning comes
with massive hangover
trying to wash away
the drunkness
and the smell of
cigarette smoke
512 unread messages
but none is from you
i really wish the black sparrow
would brings me news of you
everything is so fucked up
what has become of me?
who am i?
never knew that i'm
a good pretender
as if everything's good
until the sorrow
in my eyes betray me
been looking for your face
in those crowd
and it isn't a good feeling
knowing she's
in your embrace
instead of me
©Britt H.
Thank you for reading this.
If you’d like to support my writing, please consider upgrading to be a First Line Supporter or $5 a month or buy me a coffee. Your support helps me manage my medical expenses and daily needs—it holds immense significance for me as a disabled, neurodivergent writer.
Hello, I'm Britt, the person behind the writings you'll find here.
While I can't promise a constant stream of exclusive content, I can promise to consolidate my often scattered, writing portfolio right here on BMC. Think of this as the dedicated home for all my work. Please note, this process might take time, depending on my daily condition.
For me, writing isn't just my craft; it's my sole way of working. As someone navigating multiple chronic illnesses with frequent medical treatments at various hospitals and clinics, my routine often leaves me with little energy or capacity for much else.
As an autistic individual with a severe anxiety disorder, holding a conventional job is almost an impossible feat—a sad reality that is a stark contrast to how I used to be able to function. These days, even an unexpected phone call can throw me into disarray, let alone stepping out the door.
Despite these immense challenges, they have, unexpectedly, opened new doors. In a way, being chronically ill has been a blessing in disguise, granting me the space and courage to pursue writing.
You could say I'm an unknown and perpetually poor writer (not everyone can be J.K. Rowling!).
I juggle inconsistent odd remote jobs alongside the limited income my writing generates on different platforms.
Your support here helps me continue this work and truly makes all the difference as I explore new avenues.
Thank you for being here and for considering supporting my journey.
✍️Previously published: 14th April 2018
✨ Revised Edition: 3rd April 2026
📖 This piece was featured on Falls Poetry.
Part of my consolidated writing portfolio.