There seems to be a serious interest in, and discussion of, narcissism, especially in online forums and groups. There are many videos on narcissism or narcissistic behavior. A lot of them provide excellent information; others, perhaps not so much. What I’d like to do here is provide you with some basic information to help you understand what narcissism is. I’ll follow up in subsequent articles on how to recognize narcissistic behavior, what to know about the dangers of narcissism, and how you might best deal with the problem should you encounter it.
Ten Identifying Characteristics Of Narcissism
1. Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance
Individuals with narcissistic traits exaggerate achievements and talents, expecting recognition as superior without commensurate accomplishments. They perceive themselves as exceptional and uniquely gifted.
Example: A mid-level manager constantly reminds colleagues about their "executive-level thinking" and claims credit for departmental successes. When presenting group work, they use phrases like "my vision" and "my leadership," minimizing others' contributions while embellishing their own role.
2. Preoccupation with Fantasies of Success
Narcissists obsessively daydream about unlimited power, brilliance, beauty, ideal love, or exceptional status. These fantasies serve as psychological protection against feelings of inadequacy.
Example: A struggling actor spends hours detailing how they'll eventually win an Oscar and "show everyone." Despite limited success, they speak about A-list celebrities as peers they'll soon join, and interpret routine professional interactions as evidence of their imminent breakthrough.
3. Belief in Being "Special" and Unique
Narcissists believe they can only be understood by or should associate with other special or high-status people or institutions. They feel ordinary people can't appreciate their exceptional qualities.
Example: A university student constantly mentions how they're "too intellectually advanced" for their classes. They attempt to bypass standard requirements, claiming they need "more challenging work," name-drop professors they've briefly met, and dismiss peer feedback as coming from those "who simply don't understand genius."
4. Requires Excessive Admiration
Narcissists have an insatiable need for attention and positive reinforcement. They seek constant validation and become distressed when admiration is interrupted.
Example: At a family gathering celebrating a relative's achievement, a narcissistic individual repeatedly redirects conversations to their own accomplishments. They post extensively on social media, fishing for compliments, become visibly agitated when others receive attention, and ask leading questions like "Wasn't my speech impressive?" to extract praise.
5. Sense of Entitlement
Narcissists maintain unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment. They automatically expect compliance with their wishes and become indignant when others don't accommodate them.
Example: A customer demands immediate service despite others waiting longer, insists on speaking to managers when rules apply to them, and expects exceptions "because of who they are." When denied special treatment, they become disproportionately outraged: "Do you know how much money I spend here? I'll have your job for this!"
6. Interpersonally Exploitative Behavior
Narcissists take advantage of others to achieve personal goals, often manipulating through charm, intimidation, or manufactured crises to get what they want.
Example: A colleague initially flatters a new team member with extraordinary attention and compliments. Once trust is established, they begin asking for favors: covering their shifts, completing their work portions, or lending money. If the colleague hesitates, the narcissist employs either guilt ("after all I've done for you") or threats of social exclusion.
7. Lack of Empathy
Narcissists struggle to recognize or identify with others' feelings and needs. This isn't occasional insensitivity but a pervasive pattern of emotional disconnection.
Example: When a friend shares news about a serious illness, a narcissistic person quickly redirects the conversation to their own minor health concerns. They show impatience during the friend's emotional disclosure, offer superficial responses, and later complain about how "draining" the conversation was, demonstrating inability to comprehend the gravity of their friend's situation.
8. Envy and Belief That Others Envy Them
Narcissists feel intense jealousy toward others' success and simultaneously believe everyone envies them. This projection helps maintain their grandiose self-image.
Example: When a colleague receives a promotion, a narcissist undermines the achievement: "They only got it because they play politics" or "The boss feels sorry for them." Yet they'll also claim, "Everyone's trying to copy my innovative approach" or "The team resents my natural leadership abilities," despite little evidence supporting these beliefs.
9. Arrogant, Haughty Behaviors and Attitudes
Narcissists display snobbish, disdainful, or patronizing attitudes, treating those they perceive as inferior with contempt.
Example: A narcissistic professor speaks condescendingly to administrative staff, using unnecessarily complex vocabulary to emphasize intellectual superiority. They make dismissive gestures when students ask "simple" questions and mock colleagues from less prestigious institutions, creating a clear hierarchy with themselves at the top.
10. Difficulty Accepting Criticism
Narcissists respond to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation, even when feedback is constructive. They may counterattack, withdraw completely, or feign indifference.
Example: During a performance review, a narcissistic employee receives generally positive feedback with one suggestion for improvement. They fixate exclusively on the criticism, arguing vehemently against it, bringing up the evaluator's past mistakes, and later sabotaging the evaluator's projects. For weeks afterward, they reference the "unfair assessment" to anyone who will listen.
Understanding these characteristics helps identify narcissistic patterns, though professional diagnosis should come from qualified clinicians. The severity and persistence of these traits determine whether someone has narcissistic tendencies or meets criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Most of us display some of these characteristics from time to time. The problem becomes serious when these characteristics become the overwhelming norm for a person’s behavior. Healthy people manage to reign in the issues before they become exaggerated.