If there is anything I’ve learned in life, it is that whenever you think life is going well, along comes something that will blow that notion away. The Winds of Change is not only a beautiful song by the Scorpions (Mum's Horoscope!), but an apt description of what life can be like. I was looking forward to writing my latest update after the weekend and was so full of idea’s but then Sunday happened.
Mum was taken into hospital with pneumonia and with her suffering chronic COPD he prognosis isn’t very good at all. My Mum and I have had both the best and worst of relationships throughout our lives, and I’m sure may others will have the same experiences with their own family. That said, the overriding emotion I have when thinking of my Mum is one of kindness and love. The photo below is my Mum, aged sixteen, with me starting to pull my funny faces. I wished I'd listened to my Mum when she told me my face would stay that way if the wind changed!
Her illness has come on both suddenly and over a stretch of time and it is only with hindsight that a lot of this comes to light. She has always been very active, despite being a smoker and loved long walks. As a child, I absolutely hated this as the long walks often involved a whole day away and I was dragged sulking up the cliff’s of Saltburn and beyond. All I wanted to do at this point was ride my bike or play football, not go walking up some mammoth hill where once I got there, I’d have a picnic with loads of brilliant foods! I mean for a kid who loved food, this should have been heaven and looking back I wish I’d been a lot more grateful at the time!
Even nine years ago, Mum was still a picture of health and we took not so mini me to London for a few days to catch up on all of the sights, and despite our hotel room not being up to her standards we had an absolute blast. The hotel room, I have to add wouldn't have been up to many people's standards. We got moved twice during our four day stay due to sewage floating up through the shower. Looking back, I wonder if Thames Water owned the hotel?
The last photo I have of my Mum and I together was four years ago. This was just before I flew to South Africa and during the darkest point of my life. I was trying to run away from the storm, not realising at the time that I was the storm. My sunglasses hide my eyes which I needed at the time. You have no idea how blurry my vision was, and it had nothing (well okay, maybe just a little) to do with alcohol. Even during this, my Mum's smile was trying to tell me that everything would be alright and it certainly was.
Sunday was spent in a blur, speaking to family members I haven’t spoken to in years and at least all family wars were put to one side as we all wanted to see Mum pull through, but most of all that she doesn’t suffer any more pain. Bob Marley, who's music was played throughout my childhood rang out throughout our flat, and every time Redemption Song played, the volume went up, my eye's closed and memories of singing the song either in the car, or in our living room in my childhood home came flooding back.
That brings me onto the reason for this post today and that is not to take things for granted. We have a brief moment on this planet and we can choose what we do with our time, but not what others can do with theirs. How do we know what is happening with others, if we do not take the time to try to find out? How can we help others if they don't ask to be helped? It starts with a smile, one that hides no malice and one that shows nothing but love. If love and kindness are offered as an opening exchange there is rarely a hostile response. I'd like to share with you, one of my Mum's repeated teachings to me whilst I was a child. We are all human, and if you cut me I will bleed the same colour as you. Sometimes you cannot see the cut you've made with your words, but the person who has been cut will. Don't be the one who makes others bleed, be the one who helps them heal.