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That time I overdosed on NYE

That time I overdosed on NYE

Dec 27, 2022

Hi Baddies,

I’m sure you’re curious about the story, but that’s not the sole purpose of this email. I prefer to look forward rather than to keep reliving the past, but I’ll share some of the basic details for context.

I used to party, a lot. (Never alcohol my eating disorder refused to consume liquid calories, and I didn’t like the taste). I was in two major car accidents in 2010, leaving me with some pretty serious pain and therefore some very serious painkillers. I soon realised pain killers were my kind of high, so I ended up with an addiction. I soon integrated these into my regular party drug arsenal, which as you know from such celebrity deaths as Prince, Heath Ledger, Elvis, Judy Garland, Anna Nicole Smith, Michael Jackson, Tom Petty (I could go on). Anyway, fast forward a few years and I’ve taken a little too much of this and that and I’m lying on a toilet floor in a warehouse bathroom on New Year’s Eve in San Francisco. I still cannot recall how I got out of that situation. That wasn’t when I quit though, I continued on for a year or so after that until I did my Yoga Teacher Training.

My Yoga Teacher Training saved my life.* 

*I must note here that it was not the training itself, nor the facilitators, it was the fact that I practiced consistently, meditated consistently and deeply resonated with philosophy and teachings. You can access all of this with some planning, reach out if you want to know more!

I’m healthy and I beat my addiction to painkillers and I no longer use dangerous recreational substances, other than wine. I look back on”Past-Eve” with a lot of compassion, gratitude and love. Without her, I wouldn’t be me, and I don’t know about you, but I think present Eve is pretty great. 

Not Partying on New Year’s Eve is how I honour “Past-Eve”

One of my fond memories of New Year’s Eve was an impromptu visit to Spanda Yoga School in 2017. I decided to attend a NYE meditation workshop, and we meditated through midnight. I remember hearing neighbours to the studio having a party and yelling out the countdown while we were in dead silence. “5.. 4…3…2…1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!” after this moment, Ava, who was guiding us through our meditation, made a comment about how cool it was to have that juxtaposition and how we can tap into that awesome energy for our meditation. Ava’s positive perspective was not relatable to me in the moment, as I had just noticed the same sounds and thought about how distracting it was, how rude it was to be so loud at midnight, how annoying it was that Ava hadn’t shut the door so that we could enjoy the silence. My mind was looking for someone to blame, as if the noise was a personal attack. For some reason, hearing these people loudly enjoying themselves, taking up space, oblivious to their surroundings and their neighbours was an affront to me. 

This was very insightful. I realised that my whole life, as a person with a late ADHD diagnosis, I have always been persecuted for being loud, for making noise, for taking up space, for expressing myself. I had been forced to mask my neurodivergent symptoms and traits to fit into a world built for neurotypicals, as well as subdue myself and make myself smaller to fit into a world that idealises thin, subservient, delicate, elegant, quiet and conventionally (colonially?) beautiful women. To be loud, outgoing, confident, expressive was to not know my place. This masking to fit in had caused me to also be critical, judgemental and resentful toward people who are loud and outgoing, who take up space and express themselves. I turned my nose down to it and took offence, trying to police it the way I was policed for it. ‘How dare you?! Didn’t you get the memo? you have to make yourself small and put yourself last and be courteous and hyper aware of your surroundings, walk on eggshells so that you don’t upset anyone’s feelings.’

Now, if I can have that kind of life changing insight within a 5 second countdown to ‘Happy New Year,’ what kind of self awareness could be possible for me if I actually sat down with intention and consciousness as a habit more often?

Enter: Eve’s New Year’s Eve Tradition

Every year I choose to opt out of celebrations and opt in to meditation and mindful reflection, coupled with some intentions and visualisation for the year ahead.

The Science of Visualisation

As you know, I’m all about functionality and practices that work. There have been some studies that suggest that visualisation is sometimes just as effective as actual physical practices. This is why we can never underestimate the power of the mind! Vision boards work because they prime your mind to see opportunity by the process of 'visual tagging’ which imprints your subconscious with important, high value information and filters out unnecessary distractions. So if you place your vision board where you see it every day, it keeps you on track to achieve your dreams and goals and recognise creative solutions and opportunities for success. Seeing is being! It isn’t magic, you still have to spend time visualising your desired outcomes, but it offers a science based practice to the buzzword ‘manifestation.’ 

Keen to give it a try? First, reflect on what you truly want from life - dream big - and get super honest with yourself. Grab a bunch of magazines and cut out words and images that align with these thoughts, feelings and desires, pin them to a board and place it somewhere where you can see it every day. Spend some time each week checking back in with the board and then see what next year brings! 

Next year I have a bunch of yoga and embodiment workshops coming up, the first one is in Freo at Spanda. Also, I’ll be uploading a lot more of my classes and meditation backing tracks to my YouTube Channel - so don’t forget to like, follow and subscribe and make 2023 the year you deep dive into your best life. 

Happy holidays baddies, 

Stay hydrated and stay away from f*ckboys. 



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