I'm excited for the future. It's a strange but a good feeling knowing that I do have a future. It's not something I could see for myself 6 years ago. I had no confidence didn't know how to socialise and didn't want to imagine a future without mum. I was scared of it. Each time I thought about it i would get so overwhelmed and a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I gave up on myself and felt like a burden to everyone. Growing up I never seen myself as worthwhile. I'd always question why people cared about me. Twitter changed that
Each time I see myself smile in a mirror I'm blown away by my pretty teeth and the kindness that was shown to me. Ive got an infection from having my teeth pulled which exposed a sinus but it can't put a dampner on it. Truth is id go through 100 infections to finally have a smile I'm not embarrassed by it will all be worth it and I'm forever grateful for this opportunity you all gave me.
I have a dentist appointment on Friday to have them realigned ,right now they are loose so I can't wear them to eat. I'm on my second course of antibiotics so hopefully it will clear the infection until I see the ent specialist at the royal Adelaide to have it permanently fixed. more exciting news is someone gifted me a second-hand walker so I'll be able to go to my local cafe. The cafe is special to me it has memories of mum and the friends she made there. We would go sit there and I would sell my art and take orders for commissions. My mum had the personality of attracting people and when we sat down within a few minutes every seat at the table was full with people arriving and pulling up chairs. They would all joke and chat and id use my art to not talk. Not because I didn't want to but because I didn't have the confidence. Mum was the loud one and had a great way of keeping attention from me. We became friends with the owner and the girls that worked there. There were such an array of different people and personalities
When mum passed it changed and slowly with my mobility suffering I could no longer go. I miss it and I think with my new found confidence I can bring back that part of the community. So next Tuesday on payday I'm getting up early and with the walker to assist and my new teeth I'm making that walk. I'm going to buy a coffee and sit down and draw. I'm going to say hello to everyone I've missed and catch up on how they've been and this time I won't be to self conscience to talk
I feel like so much has changed and now it's time to get to know the new me with confidence and explore what its like to not hide behind anyone