There is a saying: “Only the Wounded Healer, Heals”.
I add to this that, surely, only the “Conscious Wounded Healer, Heals”. Because without our wounds being conscious we are in great danger of projecting these onto others and in particular our clients. In this kind of dynamic, the healer is the healed one and the client is kept in a static position as the wounded one; it is a one-way, top-down process and wholly untrue and unhealthy to operate this way. It is counter-therapeutic or educational.
Whether you are a healer, therapist, coach, teacher or trainer your own healing and self-awareness are paramount and must lead at all times. So that when you come to heal, help, teach or train others, not only are you bringing your authentic-self, warts and all to the table, but you are also not unconsciously upholding an imbalanced dynamic which elevates you and depotentiates your clients or students.
So, what might the conscious Wounded Healer look like?
To start with she knows what her deepest woundings are. She knows her core wound and how it continues to manifest and disrupt her life.
She know what and where her scars are. She has sought their origins and explored deeply into her sore spots, pain and suffering AND found meaning in her pain and suffering.
She acknowledges her deep wounding and pain as a part of her journey in this lifetime and in so doing, brings consciousness to her path and a more compassionate focus to others’ wounds.
She is working towards bearing her scars without shame. And she is learning how to contain her own pain so that it doesn’t drive her decisions and actions or adversely impact her relationships anymore.
She has learned the power and wisdom WITHIN her wounds: the power to both be compassionate towards herself and to gently soothe and love herself. And she has developed the capacity to feel and sense when another is hurting, beneath their disruptive or careless behaviours and words. She sees their pain behind their behaviours and acknowledges and that they are hurting. Her empathy and compassion deepens as a result.
The conscious Wounded Healer knows and accepts that she will always feel some degree of pain and that this is part of her task in this lifetime. For in carrying her own burden she also brings a depth of wisdom, compassion and love to all beings.
She knows how to protect and nourish herself and she is adept at casting a protective net around those who also need shelter, presence and love.
As a result of all this hard inner-work and commitment to her own healer, she is the holder of Sacred Space par excellence and, just like the horses, she bears witness to others’ suffering with love and without judgment or a desire to fix.
Others begin to naturally gravitate towards her as they sense her authenticity and self-knowledge and so they feel safe in her hands and that they can trust her.
All of this is of course, an ongoing process and the Conscious Wounded Healer knows this too.
She knows she isn’t “sorted” or better than anyone else, including her clients or trainees. She might be further down the healing road and that of course is always preferable, but she isn't healed, or without fault or shadow. But rather, human like everyone else; flawed, scarred and human.
And, she has learned perhaps the most difficult of all aspects of this journey: That once you start on the path of your own healing, there is no end point. Rather, simply more layers; deeper layers that must be excavated and experienced to their full, time and again…
©Angela Dunning
Image by Mariia Korneeva, Shutterstock.