…That vital period between endings and new beginnings.
The days between Christmas and New Year always feel like a deeply liminal time; a true in-between state. After all the preparation and before the hurly burly of our normal working days begin again, nestles this quiet space, offering us a rich opportunity for deep rest, contemplation and reflection of the year that has passed and the one beckoning to us over the threshold of the new year. It is a time to savour and allow ourselves to dwell with ease and pleasure. It's a time to let go of the usual day-to-day things and to sink into a state of pure being, with long sleeps, hours spent reading or watching films, or taking slow, gentle walks in nature.
I thought it would be a good time therefore to re-post this article from a few years back, to help us inhabit this and any other liminal space we might find ourselves in, through exploring its implications and meanings; so sit back and enjoy!
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At the beginning of the New Year there is always much talk of new beginnings; it is a time which is ripe with the potential to birth something new. Yet, there is a vital period between the old and the new; that essential gestation period which is sometimes referred to in the beautiful way as “the liminal space”; (liminal comes from the Latin word ‘limin’ or ‘limen’, meaning threshold).
In our busy, modern lives we often overlook the necessity of this phase. Instead, we are always in a hurry to rush on to the next, shiny new thing which excites us. Pushing ourselves ever onwards. But, this rushing curtails any essential need for rest, grieving or sadness we may need to feel after letting go of something. It also doesn’t allow for the genuine gentle and slow gestation, growth and birth of something new and of substance to take its place. This process does not happen overnight, no matter how much we may desire it to be so.
This gestation period or liminal space is vital as it involves both a crucial decay and composting of the old, and the creation of solid foundations for the new. It often involves much rest, down-time, deep inner-healing, learning and preparation for the new. So it is a very important period and process to embrace fully and to allow to happen naturally in its own time.
This period can last a few weeks, months or even years at times. I have found for myself that the nine month period often plays an important part quite naturally during such transitions, as does the first year anniversary of an ending; both often triggering the ending of the liminal phase and the true beginning of the new chapter. This in-between period can sometimes last a number of years in circumstances where the loss is significant and utterly life-changing, such as a significant bereavement of a truly beloved.
There is no doubt though that this period can be an uncomfortable, disorienting and lonely time. We are in unfamiliar territory and thus it can be filled with uncertainty, as we do not yet know or see what wants to be born to replace that which we have let go of. We have no choice but to simply have to wait; not that doing this is easy! Holding the tension of no longer having what we released and yet knowing what is to come, we have to sit, in the psychic darkness, very much like a seed beneath the soil, patiently waiting, waiting…
Enduring this kind of anxiety and lack of certainty is not something many of us are good at and, on top of this, our culture does not actively support such periods of introspection and gestation, so we often feel added pressure to begin anew again sooner than we might actually be ready to.
Temporary, practical solutions may be required during this period so that we can get-by sufficiently while the new is being fully formed. For example, if we have ended one career to begin a new one we may need to take a temporary job in order to still pay our bills and buy food while we re-train. In addition, our family and friends may not be certain how to relate to us during this time, as change is uncomfortable for those around us too. Our ending may have also led to knock-on effects in our relationships: We may have had to let go of colleagues, friends or even a life-partner, again, to make space for the new to come in.
In John O’Donohue’s poem, For the Interim Time, he describes this place as “groundless,” and says that:
“The way forward is still concealed from you”, [and where], “the new is still too young to be born”.
This phase can be messy, complex and is rarely straight forward or linear. It requires a brave, courageous heart to hang-in there, plus the support of people we trust not to rush us, but rather to hold space for us on as we journey through the unknown and the dark.
The central factor during this time it seems is that it is very important not to try to force the new to arrive before it is truly ready; not to rush this phase and not try to run before we can walk. Whether it is grieving a loss, a significant change in our career, recovering from an illness or accident, or the end of a relationship we must honour the loss and make time to create the new. It really is a two-way process, one very much like the physical act of pregnancy and birth. A mother may want this pregnancy to be over and to meet her unknown child, but, wait she must, until the little one is ready to make their appearance into their mother’s life. This as we know, simply cannot and never should be rushed.
If we accept these transitional phases as if they are a gestation period then this can help us to calm down, breathe and feel able to continue waiting. Until that ripe time when the new is thrust onto our personal horizon and ready to meet and engage with us; all we CAN do is wait…
Wishing you all a blessed, healthy and fruitful 2024 and sending deep gratitude for your continued support and interest in my work!
©Angela Dunning
Reference: Quotation taken from "To Bless the Space Between Us" by John O'Donohue. Published in 2008 by Doubleday.
This article was originally published in The Eden Magazine in January 2019 and has been updated.
Image by Fantastyczna Pasja, licensed via Shutterstock.