It’s important to recognise the shadow’s influence in therapy and inner-work; that part of us that works against us and in our clients, despite our and their best intentions to heal and grow.
This is very real and quite common for everyone and so it's imperative to know about this inner-sabotaging element in order to be able to progress ourselves and to be able to empathetically support our clients in their healing journey.
Keeping this “Other” constantly in mind as we work with our clients enables us to stay present as a supportive witness for them without feeling that we’re getting nowhere or that they are resisting wilfully, as inevitable we’re talking about unconscious processes at work here, not the will of the ego and conscious mind.
As Jungian author Thomas Moore says:
“After years of doing therapy, I’ve come to the conclusion that when a person enters therapy there is something in him that honestly desires self-knowledge, but there is something else, something much more powerful, that would like to foil the process. Something works against the therapy, and that spirit is so entangled with positive intentions that it is difficult to detect. It does its work of sabotage quietly.
When, in the privacy of our own efforts, we are trying to attain a degree of self-knowledge, it is worthwhile to take note of intentions in ourselves that resist our work. In Jungian language, we could say this is the shadow of soul-work—that aspect of the self that for its own good reasons doesn’t want consciousness and knowledge. If we do not know this contrary will in us, then we may go through the motions of soul-work for years without much effect, while its shadow works efficiently and quietly in the background, undoing everything that we think we’ve accomplished.”
People with attachment/relational/early development wounds and trauma suffer especially from this contrary other. To bring in another Jungian, Donald Kalsched talks about the Persecutor/Protector part which develops initially to protect the vulnerable inner core/soul of the child, but overtime becomes not only an inner saboteur but also its very own persecutor. This part then often acts both autonomously and highly counter towards any healing, change, difference and growth as this is an enormous threat to it.
As long as we know about these parts of ourselves and their quirky and sometimes hostile ways of trying to prevent change, we CAN still manage to cut our way through the thicket and progress. Even if it’s damn hard work; our progress feels inordinately slow and we feel like we’re always taking two steps forward and one back all the time.
Because, be assured, we are healing, a little at a time as our true inner nature is continually urging us forward towards greater light, self-love and inner peace.
©Angela Dunning
Image by Thomas Bjornstad on Unsplash
References:
1) Thomas Moore, ‘Soul Mates: Honouring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship’, P. 38-39.
2) Donald Kalsched, The Inner World of Trauma,