The following is a letter I wrote to the Pal Perspective last week that I wanted to share ---
Hey my loves,
I have to keep today’s email short and sweet. I’m truly sorry—we have to cancel tonight’s gathering. Just have some personal stuff going on and need a moment to breathe, cry, rest, or whatever.
Why am I telling you this? Because just in case it’s hard for you to do the same, I want you to see that it’s okay.
I know those of you who show up will be fine if I cancel. Based on many of your responses, I know you care deeply about my well-being (and I, yours).
If you’re anything like me, you don’t exactly excel at giving yourself a break. Taking a day off? Radical. Pausing to breathe? Revolutionary. “Letting people down”? A felony.
I remember a few years back, I was giving myself an anxiety attack because I just didn’t want to go to work that day. I didn’t feel like performing. And I was giving myself a hard time because I didn’t feel sick. I could’ve worked. I just wanted the day.
Riddled with guilt and anxiety, I called a friend —and they gave me the permission I didn’t know I needed: to be human.
They said:
“It’s okay to rest. To be human is NOT to work. To be human is just to breathe. You already did everything you have to do today.
Friend, just be human… okay?”
So freeing, right? Sounds like something a monk might whisper into the wind on a mountaintop—but it was just my friend, probably smoking a blunt, casually changing my life.
Between the tears and snot, I managed to mumble, “okay”…like a little kid. In that moment, I felt like I was being hugged by my mom.
And then I proceeded to chill in pajamas for the rest of the day, guilt-free.
And like I said—if you’re anything like me, and you’ve been taught that caring about the world means sacrificing your own needs, then rest can feel like betrayal.
Anyway, I didn’t mean to lie when I said this was gonna be short and sweet. But here we are.
And I know this almost sounds like I’m just publicly patting myself on the back for canceling on everyone lol.
But I am totally proud of myself—because it took a lot to get to a place where I genuinely believe: the world won’t implode, your trust won’t shatter, and no one’s going to come for me just because I canceled and dared to be nice to myself... in public of all places. The nerve.
ANYWAY I HOPE YOU SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS.
Our schedule through May is below. XOXOX
Salaam (peace),
Amel (hope)
P.S. Thank you to those of you who subscribed to my podcast, It’s Okay Habibi!! It was a really scary process to release it, and I love the way it’s turning out. I’ll start posting it on social soon. 💛
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