Hey gang. It's been a while, I know. I've struggled coming back to the keyboard. Sitting down and writing out my feelings and everything going on felt like an enormous task. Knowing my #1 fan won't get to read this is also excruciating.
You'll be happy to know I'm not stuck in sweats, eating garbage, and not showering. It's tempting, but no. When I think of how I thought I might handle this situation, I'm doing quite well. But as I've said to some friends recently, I'm not binge-watching the SAW movies because I'm okay. Ja feel?
Two weeks after....I shot a feature-length movie in Reading, PA. Same writer/director/producer as the Stephen King-based short I shot back in December. Overall, things went really well. It'll be cool to see the finished product.
So we're finally in Atlanta! No house yet. We're staying with family while we work on that.
Hayden is doing great, quicker than ever; he's landed a new gig at a restaurant. He's already been made a head bartender and gotten buddy-buddy with the owner, the owner's best bud who's a big-time rep, and the Michelin Star chef. He said yesterday we should have done this years ago. eyeroll Couldashouldawoulda.
I'm doing what I can with what I have to give at this moment. And considering I have no office of my own and my costumes are in storage in another state. As always, thank goodness I have my job at Simpler Media.
I'm back to submitting to casting notices, just being super careful about what I apply for, keeping current strike rules in mind. Won't catch me crossing a picket line.
But everything feels big, like a truck with a weak engine trying to get up a hill. It takes so much momentum. I'm chipping away, I guess. I'm trying to ignore my own thoughts and feelings and take on all the faith and confidence everyone around me seems to have in me. And as always, I don't have to believe in the outcome in order to do the thing. If that makes sense.
I'm working really hard to get back in shape. I'm back in the gym, back on the Centr app, and back watching my calorie count. I get to walk Hazel twice a day now that I'm in a safe neighborhood, and we can walk at night. Silver lining. Hopefully, it'll stick this time. It's always easy to stay on top of workouts when I have all the time in the world and a light workload.
I keep saying, "It's just so much." Navigating the industry down here. Living in someone else's space. Dealing with my grief. Scheduling and coordinating all my trips this fall. House hunting. Getting in shape. The least stressful thing right now? Wedding plans. I've booked my venue, catering, photographer, and videographer. And The Big Day isn't until 2025. Fuck yeah, bro.
I'm exploring some options for extra money.
Nick (my co-host and bestie) and I are getting rolling with Season 3 of Tabula Rasa, B!tches!: A Buffy Rewatch Show.
I'm working on points of light. I keep winning Instagram giveaways. That rules. Last month, I went to a High School Musical-themed dance party with Nick. I get to see my sisters for a Bachelorette in a couple of weeks. End of this month, I'm seeing the Jonas Brothers. Next month, I get to be home twice, AND the Eras Tour movie comes out. 1989 TV comes out at some point soon. A lot of my light and comfort is Taylor Swift-based at the moment.
My other...comfort is weird to say, but moments of peace are watching horror movies. No one expects you to be happy or okay during scary movies. I'm working my way through the franchises I've always meant to watch. So far, I've finished Scream and Saw. I started A Nightmare on Elm Street, but the whole never knowing what's real drives me nuts, and not in a fun way. But I really want to get to Dream Warriors, so I'll pick it back up eventually or just skip to it. Last night, I watched the first Child's Play. So good! Like, actually good, not just campy good. Go figure.
I feel confident that something will hit if I keep at it. Based on my track record, it won't be what I'm going for, but it'll be a better, more rewarding thing.
I'm still here. I wanted you all to know that.
Thanks.
Currently Watching: Star Wars: The Clone Wars, One Piece
Recently Finished: Gravity Falls, The Summer I Turned Pretty
Last Movies I Watched: Child's Play (1988), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem