See, what a 3/5 Manifesting Generator life could be. Should make an interesting story to you. Especially the parts, where I struggled. And THOSE are a lot.
So over the last posts you have read a little bit about my big story probably you're like: This sounds fantastic, where are the struggles?
"I am not good enough."
This sentence is my own devil. Because this feeling was - and sometimes still is - planted in my brain, gut and feelings from the very start.
To go deep into understanding my later depression and burnout i'd like to tell you for a start, that i am an adoptive child. My birth mother gave me away when I was around 2 years old. I was in foster care and lived in a children's home as well, until i got adopted by my parents by the age of 3 1/2. And in hindsight i can say: this was the first of many, many times in my life, that i was rejected. I was cut off my roots. I did not grew up with the security and the gift of primal trust.
I am proud that i can tell this with no anger or pain nowadays. My dad and mum are very conservative people. Very much like the Jonesies. They tried everything they could to pave me the way for becoming a great adult. I had a lovely childhood. But still I constantly was set under the pressure of "not being good enough". Every move i made was questioned. I was constantly nagged on, I never had the feeling, that i was trusted to being able to live my life. Up to this day i almost never got told things like "I am proud of how you did this or that" or even "I support what you are doing'.
To me "coming home" meant a day full of justifying, starting with the rolling eyes of my mum while glancing through the side window of my car and the question: "Alex, how is it even possible that your car looks like this inside? Don't you feel ashamed?" A day at home constantly gave me the feeling of being a hughe disappointment by being different and being a shame by not doing what "everybody else does". I could come home after a gig at Germanies biggest TV show with Cat Stevens/Jusuf Islam with 20 million people watching live - and the only question was: "How much did you make, son?"
I could go on and on and on, there are a thousand things like this. And i will tell more. For example about that my ex-wife was the extension of everything i felt during my childhood. Why i didn't notice it earlier, what my daughter has to do with seeding the idea of "something is not correct for you, Alex".
I will also tell you why and how i flew around planet earth outting satadium show together for 250 days a year while becoming the biggest golf influencer in Germany running a tournament series with more than 100 tournaments a year - simultaneously.