Forgive the goofyish photo, but something fun happened tonight. I was teaching my yoga class (I teach four nights a week) through a very sweaty flow culminating in standing hand-to-big-toe pose. So when I teach it, the first thing we try is lifting a bent leg and grabbing the shin and pulling it in close. If we can balance, we then try to grasp our foot. If we can grasp our foot, we try to wrap our "peace fingers" (index and middle) around the toe, and slowly straighten the leg - while standing up tall, not leaning toward the leg.
Anyway that's a lot of intermediary steps, but what was funny is tonight I was able to easily straighten the leg. And I'd never done that before. So while the rest of the class did their thing and wobbled and kept trying, I just slowly straightened my leg and spine. And I said aloud something like, "Oh okay this is the first time this has ever happened."
I thought that was pretty cool, so when I got home this evening I snapped a photo.
Recovery's a lot like this. You do a lot of practice, and you do it with other people, and everyone's wobbly. But you end up with something you're pretty proud of.
Sobriety -- continuous sobriety -- is a lot of little dominoes. They have to be set up, and they fall one at a time. There are days where we're clinging to sanity, days where life seems impossible. There's a lot of struggle at first. I don't know of anyone who had an easy time in early recovery, although I know a lot of people who tried to act suave about it all.
After the initial hard work of early recovery has been done (and it's very hard work!) there are many many more days that just kind of fly by. Those are actually a lot more dangerous than tough days. I understand addiction less and less but one thing I know is it seems to be some weird brain disease where you forget you have the disease. Most and I mean the vast majority of people relapse. Or switch to other drugs, or whatever.
Statistically I am an anomaly. Statistically I am not supposed to get sober, let alone stay sober. Statistically I'm supposed to be using some other pill or drug to maintain.
I have been mostly happy since getting sober. I've had huge, huge setbacks. But one thing no human being can remove from me, is my sobriety. There are days I've sat in meetings and it felt like my only asset. But it was such a precious asset to me.
There are so many who are suffering. There are many, many more who are hiding the addicts in their lives, or covering up tracks. There are so many who are drinking, and who are miserable.
This is why I'm "out" as a sober person. It doesn't earn you accolades to post about being sober. I mean it earns you some very nice supportive comments, but it is far more risky to be "out" than to just stay private about it.
It's okay to be private about it, but I know from multitudes of experiences (including first-hand) that people who are out about being sober, help save lives.
Someone somewhere is reading this post, and getting ready to ask for help.
My inbox is always open.
Thank you for fifteen years. That's a long time, and don't I know it! I owe my sobriety to my hard work yes, but to the thousands of kindnesses from those in recovery. The recovery community is the strongest, most wholesome, and most powerful community I've ever known. Nothing else has even come close!