I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions lately. Not the what-should-I-eat-for-dinner or what-yoga-class-should-I-do type — but deep ones, like: Why do we believe what we believe? Where do our beliefs even come from? Are they even ours — or have we been taught to believe them? Of course, I know the answer to these questions: they’re learned behaviour. We are not born hating a certain group of people — that’s learned. We’re not born knowing how to discriminate, or hate, or be mean to people — all learned. And for learned behaviour, it’s sure not the type of shit I think we should be teaching or learning.
The problem is, this behaviour — these ‘lessons’ — aren’t always consciously being taught anymore (don’t get me wrong, in some places they definitely are). Many of them are so deeply ingrained in society that people take them as truth. They’re not even questioned. This blows my mind. Some of these so-called “rules to life” are so misinformed, easy to prove wrong, and make zero sense — yet people will fight to back them up. They hold onto them so tight. Why? Because it’s easier than changing their mind. Easier than questioning their belief system. I mean, if they do that, maybe they’ll have to admit they were wrong. We can’t have that!
With the elections coming up, I’ve started to wonder: do people actually think for themselves anymore? I know I’ve got some amazing humans in my life who do question things. But it’s pretty damn clear there are many out there who don’t. They just repeat. Repeat the headlines. Repeat the family values. Repeat the “get drunk because it’s Friday” type of thinking.
Of course, there’s the classic script too — get a good job, find a husband, get married, buy a house, have children, work hard, and enjoy your retirement. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t ask questions. Smile politely, stay in your lane, and tick the boxes.
You know, that one-size-fits-all template that forgets we’re human. Also, let’s not forget the bonus rules: don’t talk about money, look busy at work even if you’re dying inside, never show emotion in public, and definitely don’t quit a “secure” job to chase your dreams.
Somewhere along the way, these things stopped being suggestions and turned into commandments. But who wrote them? And why are we still following them?
Now we add another level of so-called rules — the internet. Those who want more information and want to question things are frontline in a minefield, one that can prove anything you think is right. The media has teamed up with Merv from Marketing and moved online, all cleverly targeting those who need their opinions validated and essentially stoking the fire of division.
The thing is, the truth is out there, but what’s true for me might not be true for you. Let’s be honest, even science is there to be proven wrong. My beliefs today will grow and change as I grow and change. And I’m grateful to be free enough to change them and let them flow as life guides me through. The older I get, the more I realise that none of us really know anything — even when it comes to our own stories and experiences, they morph as we grow, learn, and change. We can hang on to ‘facts’ as we once saw them, but over time they’re just a memory, and memories fade.
What’s true for you doesn’t have to be true for me. This is all a part of being human. Some people really need to stop fighting to force people to stop doing things that they wouldn’t do (insert many religious ‘rules’ here). You have a choice to not do them and others can choose to do them! I could name any minority group right now and there will be people who have strong opinions — the sad thing is, these opinions are a waste of energy. If your life is so uneventful that you need to spend it fighting to mess up someone else’s — that other person is not the problem.
It’s like we’ve outsourced our decisions to rules. Rules we didn’t write or question. Rules that — if we’re really honest — benefit someone else more than us. I watched a talk the other day where a guy was talking about food. He shared that growing up in South Africa, his family had a rule: if it rained on Sundays, they’d have pancakes. Maybe it only rained a few Sundays a year, so it was a treat. But then they moved to Canada — where it rained a lot. And suddenly, pancakes on Sunday became routine. The treat had no context anymore — but the rule still stuck.
He also asked something interesting: why do people sit down to eat ice cream? He wondered if it might be a learned behaviour from childhood — how many parents gave their kids ice cream only if they sat quietly and behaved? So maybe, as adults, we still associate ice cream with sitting still and “being good”. It’s subtle, and sure, we can enjoy those moments of silence. But these little rules? They add up.
I know I’ve written similar things before but with the apparent state of the world, it’s standing out like dogs’ balls how programmed so many people are. Just like the pandemic — divided, defensive, and unable to have a proper conversation without getting triggered or throwing out nonsense. People blindly defending beliefs they haven’t truly explored. We see it all the time — especially in the media. Paid-for “research” backed by biased companies. People fighting like hell over things they don’t even understand.
We don’t all have to agree. But wouldn’t it be nice if we could actually talk about things that matter? And wouldn’t it be nice if everyone owned their own triggers? I love getting triggered these days, ever since I did my yoga teacher training and realised that they were these little waves coming forward, calling out to be let go of. If someone gets super triggered by a conversation, it’s not really about the conversation — it’s something inside them. Our triggers. Our shadows. Our stuff to work through — not throw a tantrum over.
We all have different values. I asked ChatGPT for a list and it was endless, so I went online to look up a list of common personal values. Me being me, I ended up doing a quiz, of course — accidentally closed the tab before completely reading mine — but the words health, love, growth, family, friends, and inner harmony stood out. That quiz reminded me: everyone ranks values differently — they’re meant to. How sad would the world be if we all valued the same things? We’d all do the same jobs, have the same hobbies — that’d literally never work.
Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone could just be kind to each other, accept our differences, find and focus on our similarities, and live wholesome lives? Not everyone in the world is out to get you.
Can we stop blindly defending beliefs we haven’t explored? It’s boring, and it looks stupid! We are not all experts on every thing. We have not spent years studying what some people have, we may have read some articles online. It’s really not the same!
Think about it — it’s wild how many answers we don’t actually have. I saw an anti-wind farm and solar argument online the other day with comments like “They’re aesthetically unpleasing!” and “Too ugly!” Sorry, what? Your idea of “ugly” is more important than unmined land and clean oceans? More important than breathable air for your grandkids? Seriously — where is this opinion coming from? My brain doesn’t even work that way… I’m genuinely curious and would love an intelligent conversation with someone anti wind and solar. I’m not an expert, but from my limited viewpoint, I don’t see a problem with it. If I did, I’d hope it was a more intelligent argument than “they make our beautiful country look ugly.”
Who wrote the playbook you’re living by? Was it shaped by truth or trauma? By love or control? Does it empower you? Or restrict you? And more importantly — have you ever tried to rewrite it? We follow rules passed down like family heirlooms. But just because they’re old doesn’t mean they’re sacred. Just because it’s “normal” doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Honestly, normal is such a dumb word anyway — it’s so subjective!
Maybe it’s just easier to say “that’s the rule” than to admit we’ve never made that choice consciously. And yeah — it’s overwhelming. There’s so much information out there. Questioning your beliefs can feel like your whole identity might fall apart. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe what comes next is freedom. In that quiet moment where we stop repeating and start remembering what’s true — true for us and rooted in love. Because that’s where we’ve all come from.
Let’s make a new rule: if it doesn’t feel right in your body or heart… it’s worth questioning. And maybe — just maybe — the most rebellious thing we can do right now is actually think for ourselves.