I just spent ten days with three people who were hard work! We were on a group tour, and I don’t think they liked people — like, any other people. I went out of my way to connect, but they would barely answer my questions, let alone say please or thank you. It got me thinking about our expectations of others (and ourselves). For me, there’s a level of manners and friendliness that goes along with being in the world, especially on a small group tour. It’s really not hard to be kind. Simple things like saying “good morning” go a long way.
Their energy (or lack of it) affected the group, as everyone was trying to engage with them, but they just weren’t interested in talking to anyone but each other. I managed to get a bit of banter going (after a lot of trying), but Americans just don’t have the same sense of humour as other English-speaking countries! Anyway, thankfully, these things don’t affect me deeply. But since I was working, I needed to maintain the positive energy of the rest of the group.
This got me thinking about how we show up in the world. I like to think I’m approachable (when I want or need to be). I’m also that annoying person who smiles at everyone, and says hello to all the animals! I also like to think that I have a pretty good sense of human behaviour. Do you know how you show up in your day-to-day life?
Let’s start by noticing your posture. Do you stand up straight, shoulders back, present in your environment? Or are you hunched over, headphones in, eyes glued to your phone, avoiding even the smallest connection with another human? When you’re with others, do you hold eye contact, or are you constantly distracted by notifications — or worse, scrolling?
Did you know that good posture can actually impact your confidence? When you stand or sit up straight, shoulders relaxed but back, chest open, head held high, you’re physically aligning yourself in a position of strength and openness. Your body even sends signals to your brain that say, “I’ve got this.” Better posture also allows for deeper, easier breathing, increasing oxygen flow to the brain and body, which boosts alertness, focus, and energy.
So if adjusting your posture can project confidence and openness to those around you, why not do it? Standing tall helps others see you as self-assured, which can even make conversations flow more smoothly. Do you have the confidence to stand tall?
Eye contact is also great for confidence, connection, and being fully seen. Yes, in some cultures it’s different, but in the Western world, it strengthens connection and trust by creating an immediate, authentic bond. It’s often said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. When you hold someone’s gaze, you’re opening a door to trust and mutual understanding. In conversation, it shows that you’re involved and receptive, which is positive for both sides! When people avoid eye contact, I often question what they’re saying and wonder if I can trust it. Do you feel the same?
Before anyone jumps in, I’ve spent years working with people of all abilities, cultures, and backgrounds, and I understand that this comes more naturally to some people than others. But I also think it’s an important conversation to have.
For me, looking someone in the eye says, “I’m here, and I’m comfortable being seen by you.” This ability to be truly seen strengthens your own sense of self-worth. On the other hand, avoiding eye contact can often make us feel more nervous or disconnected, which may even reinforce feelings of self-doubt. I know that when I’m not feeling great in my skin or comfortable in a situation, I avoid eye contact — I can feel myself doing it. Try holding eye contact, even briefly; it can help reduce that inner anxiety by keeping you present (or even give you the confidence to walk away from a situation).
Let’s live in the moment. We’re all capable of facing and connecting with others. Yes, eye contact might make you feel vulnerable, but it’s something worth working on. I find myself avoiding eye contact in more intimate settings, and I know that’s my work. Allowing others to see into your eyes is like inviting them to see the real you. So, if you’re trying to hide from the world or certain people, know that we see you hiding! Trust me, when you embrace that vulnerability, it builds a deep inner confidence that says, “I am enough, just as I am.” This can deepen both personal and professional relationships and give you a sense of self-acceptance. It’s time we all embraced the courage to be seen, just as we are.
If you’re hoping to create new friendships, network, or find job opportunities, how you show up is incredibly important. For example, if I’m having dinner with a friend and they’re on their phone more than they’re in the conversation, it feels like they’d rather be somewhere else. My ex-boyfriend was always scrolling — first thing in the morning and whenever we went out. One day, I told him that if he’d rather be on his phone than with me, I’d go home! From then on, the rule was: when we went out, phones stayed in the car or a bag.
I work with a lot of people, and any time I can avoid my phone during work hours, I avoid it. To me, being on the phone suggests that the phone is more valuable than my clients, which is not the impression I want to give. I don’t need to be seen as busy, needed, or important — I want to be seen as present, inclusive, and available when I need to be. Otherwise, what’s the point in being there?
Personally, I make a conscious effort not to touch my phone in the mornings or for a few hours before bed. I can feel the difference in my energy. Sure, funny dog videos make me laugh, but taking deep breaths in the morning or meditating before bed makes me feel better for longer than the short dopamine hits of scrolling. I also have a life I don’t need to escape from; I’m happy right here and now. No need to watch everyone else on holiday and dream.
If you don’t like your job, then why are you there? Sure, we all need money, and a job keeps the bank balance happy. But when you’re at work, be at work. Give 100%, even if you’re dreaming of something different. There’s always something to learn in your current role, even if it’s just realising what you don’t want in your next job. Embrace it fully for now, and then create space for something new to take its place.
Don’t like your life? Constantly feel the need to escape and live vicariously through others on your screens? Change it; do something about it! Find a new hobby, or get some friends who align with the version of you that you want to become, not the old you that’s ready to be left behind. Let go of what’s no longer serving you, or choose to grow alongside it. If you want things to change, you have to take action. Complaining about your life isn’t helping anyone — not yourself, and not those around you. Do something about it! Why dwell in self-pity? Life is yours for the taking. It’s time to create your reality and work towards your dreams.
Let’s fully commit to the here and now. Stand up straight, hold your head high, and own your space in the world. If you want time alone, take it! You don’t need to avoid eye contact to do that. Just remember, how we show up in the world impacts our growth, happiness, and the opportunities we attract.