People often ask me what the craziest thing is that’s ever happened on tour. Funny enough, I usually flash to funny stories from the classroom, and I’m often stumped for an answer.
Then I think back to when I first started guiding in Egypt, where I ran tours for a few months. What seemed normal back then now sounds a bit wild! For instance, since most men were named Mohammad, Ali, or Ahmed, it became a little game with the kids onboard. Each day, I’d introduce “the man with the gun” — our security guard — by having the kids guess his name. They’d shout out the trio of names until they got it right, he’d laugh, and we’d all be on our way. It was my way of making the presence of guns less intimidating for them.
In Egypt, tourism is the biggest industry, so if anyone wanted to harm the country, targeting tourists was a clear choice. Some roads required us to drive in convoy, surrounded by tanks and armed guards. It was just part of the job.
I remember one particular day near the end of a tour. We’d just returned from the Sahara. I had promised everyone a trip to Khan Al Khalili for Egyptian pancakes that night. But as we arrived at our accommodation, I told them, “Tonight, let’s relax here and explore the markets tomorrow.” People weren’t that impressed, but I convinced them it was best after our long day. After checking everyone in, another guide called to tell me that Khan Al Khalili had just been bombed and to not go there. The next day, my group was shocked that I hadn’t told them right away — they thought I’d known all along!
Oh yeah, there was another close call. We’d just been at the museum, and less than 24 hours later, a gunman dressed in a burka opened fire on tourists there.
Egypt was truly a beautiful country, brimming with history and culture. When I think back to those days, the memories that stick aren’t only the crazy ones but also the funny and heart-warming moments. Like the dress-up parties on the boats, or the little boy who could sing Row, Row, Row Your Boat in so many languages! He’d sing from his tiny boat until someone tipped him.
I’d get annoyed at the local men, seeing me as property, offering any man I was walking alongside, camels for me. What? What did I get out of this deal? Nothing!!! Three camels and all the stars from the sky for a stranger to hand me over….. Come on!
Everyone’s hustling over there! The rule of thumb was to start bartering at a fifth of the asking price and work your way up from there. Crazy! Living there, I missed simple things like price tags — and being able to wander into shops just to “have a look.” If you so much as glanced at something, someone would be chasing you down the street with it, yelling for you to buy it!
I’d always have to warn my guests about the camel guys at the pyramids. Sure, they’d say it was free to hop on a camel and snap a photo in front of the pyramids — and technically, it was. But if you wanted to get off the camel? That would cost you!
I got so comfortable with the camels that I eventually stopped having anyone hold mine while I demonstrated to guests how to safely get on and off and as we wandered over the sand dunes to St Simeon Monastery, near Aswan. And we’d head south to Nubia, where I’d be reminded that Egypt, though it feels Middle Eastern up north, is very much part of Africa.
Then there was the time I regretted eating sugar cane with a guest. We couldn’t resist the adorable kids in school uniforms running alongside our kalesh, waving and shouting, “Hello!” So we joined in and ate the sugar cane with them. Not long after, I found myself doubled over, watching the walls of my room ‘breathe’ as I struggled to choose which end of me to aim at the toilet! My guest was also in hell, but we managed to find a little man in a hole-in-the-wall shop down the street. He had just the remedy. I’m not sure what he gave us, but thanks to that little medicine man, we were both back on our feet by the next day!
My photos captured the beauty of Egypt — the colours, the music, the desert landscapes, and, of course, the chaos. Speaking of chaos, there was also that one time an impatient driver decided to cut in front of my taxi while we were crossing a bridge. I didn’t stick my finger up at him, but I gave him a good what-the-hell-are-you-doing look. Next thing I knew, he was repeatedly ramming our car, right there on the bridge! Gotta love a bit of reckless road rage when there’s nowhere to escape!
Have you ever been to Egypt?