I've been dreading the process of documenting this story. I shake in rage and embarrassment as I type this, the lump in my throat swelling, eyebrows furrowed and eyes glossy. I've been obsessive over this since the moment the money left my account and I need someone to hear my voice. Please take the time to read this.
I promise, I am not ignorant.
I consider myself to be quite reserved with my online purchases. As someone raised on dial-up and an anxiety disorder, naturally, I would like to think I understand risks and I know my fair bit on digital literacy. Thus, doing my own risk reduction for this online purchase seemed doable, and the seller, KC, was an open and chatty guy.
The Product:
Anyone who knows anything about gender affirming care (GAC) in Canada, it's not really the most accessible... I'd say 98% of all GAC must be purchased online (likely international) or in 18+ adult stores; despite majority of displayed products not being of a sexual nature. If you can make the purchase online, you can face barriers with safe or discreet delivery. Prices are steep. No return policies. No second hand market. Quality poses serious concern as many products require cleaning…am I rambling? Now double the height of these barriers for rural areas, which account for a large portion of our Maritimes, because of the lack of acceptance, knowledge, and general awareness on the topic.
KC would be sending me the different sizes and colours he collected & sampled over his transition. As there is no return/refund policies on these products, if you get the wrong size, colour, etc. you’re just darn tootin’ out of luck. Some see buying new as worth the risk, as these products are living changing and lifesaving (proven in studies to drastically improve the mental health of users).
The products shared with me through our Instagram messages seemed to be in perfect condition, and he knew all specs on them. Additionally, when I asked for certain angles of the products, he was able to provide photos (this established he actually had the products with him).
The Seller:
A troll in disguise.
I’m not going to send someone this amount of money without feeling secure. At 25 years old, I have a mortgage to pay and a baby to feed (my dog). In addition to substitute teaching through the school year, I work seasonally. I appreciate the value of hard work and savings. I wouldn’t be where I am at without these values.
The sellers “banking name” is Brenda. Instagram name was KC, then changed to Mikey. I was told Brenda was his “dead name”, but I don’t believe this person is actually a member of our trans community which is why I am revealing this info… how could you attack your own family like this?
I’ll call the him KC regardless because that’s who I feel like I’m talking about. But I learned a lot about KC over our weeks (!) of conversation and his journey and battle with the laws in Oklahoma, his home state. He seemed to be a sincere trans guy who was living the real nightmare of the USA, which I empathized for. On top of this, before sending him money, I would need his personal information for the cross-border transfer. I felt like I knew a lot about him and I now have:
- his address associated with his bank account
- his phone number
- all other banking information for MoneyGram
I mean, if things went wrong, I could Dog The Bounty Hunter his ass if I wanted to, right?
The customer:
An advocate who was hungry to help.
I have an opportunity to get products I’ve browsed online for years, for not only myself but also a wonderful group of queer teens who need help accessing affordable safe products in a dire time for 2SLGBTQ+ people.
This past Spring, I lead a weekly queer physical activity (QPA) program that was created by a student, at a rural high school. I became quite close with this small group of students over the months, and established the same demand for GAC products I have seen everywhere else. I mentioned KC’s supply one afternoon at QPA, and the group enthusiastically listened.
My idea: buy KC’s stash to make sense of shipping costs, and these students would pay what they could, no questions asked (but I hoped to get about $15 per product). Earning about $250 back. I planned for a $250 loss, but for me it was more than worth it to help out these students, plus I got a product for myself out of it. I ordered a STP device so I can stand to pee, helping me pass as cisgender in public bathrooms aka meaning I would be safer.
He was charging a fair price for these products as they had been tried and I would certainly be cleaning and boiling all items. The exchange on the dollar hurt a little, but he was extremely appreciative of what I was doing for my students. As a thank you, he told me he would throw in a few additional smaller items that he thought could help a teen, if no other products fit comfortably. Thanks KC, that’s really sweet.
The Purchase:
After creating an account with MoneyGram and filling out required forms, the money transfer was pretty clear and simple. Just like that, over $500CAD was sent. I was instructed by KC to select “direct deposit” option in the app, as picking up the cheque in person at his bank would be challenging as his appearance doesn’t exactly match his legal name anymore. He said it had been a nightmare in the past, and I obviously had no problem with this. I can’t imagine being transgender in the USA right now.
I struggled to get a hold of him afterward, because he said he would provide a tracking number once he said he shipped it. Eventually, he responded, said shipping was roughly $42USD but he was happy to cover it, and sent me the tracking number of my parcel.
The Fallout:
The parcel left from Florida. That’s weird?
But the next day it came toward me stopping in North Carolina. So, I was like okay, maybe it got sent there first for some reason and was now on its way up to me.
The following day the parcel veered hard left across the country to Tennessee, heading toward Little Rock, Arizona. KC, why is the parcel going that way? Hello? He must have sent me the tracking number for something else? Surely it’s just a copy and paste mistake on his part. No word from KC. A couple weeks pass.
Could probably predict the outcome, but the parcel, whatever it may have been, was successfully signed for and accepted in Little Rock. Can I have the actual tracking number now KC? Hello? KC?
…
Hello?
…
If you’re reading, thank you. While I will never get those products for my students, I want you to know what saddens me the most and perhaps learn a fact about the trans community...
It’s undoubtedly gross that KC is out there, posing to be a fellow struggling trans person, and is manipulating advocates like myself for money. Specifically during a time of unprecedented laws that wish to eradicate us from being existence. If this needed a cherry on top; he chose to target the community for financial gain. The unemployment rate of trans people is x3 the national average, x4 the national average if you are a person of colour. So to everything said…
Shame on you KC to steal from people who are looking to purchase lifesaving products for themselves and students when so many cards are already dealt against us, the trans community.
**If you need convincing & want to read our entire conversation from Day 1 prior to supporting me, I have the whole thing screen recorded. Tracking #, products, his “dead name” &, phone number, everything.
**RCMP have been contacted, but considering they did not know what ‘gender affirming care products’ were, what pronouns to use for KC despite me using he/him, and were confused by the entire ordeal, I’m not optimistic I’ll ever be contacted for further questions.