I'm currently reading "Bad with Money: The Imperfect Art of Getting Your Financial Sh*t Together" by Gaby Dunn, and although I'm only a few chapters in, it encouraged me to look under the hood at my own financial trauma. Like waiting for "the big one" you never quite know what will strike a chord when having these types of discussions with others, but like all earthquakes, a release of impacted trauma is necessary to avoid the quake that would destroy everything. Not everyone will be ready for it, least of all you.
In examining financial trauma, it is essential to understand and identify the past so you can shake free from it. It starts with identifying triggers in us all and working them back from the most childlike and innocent "but why". But why is it this way? But why do I think that? But why did they say that?
Of course, as with any healing process, the reality of getting to financial wellness is not the end product; the glow-up, with a fat bank account and no worries. The true victory of healing however is getting through messy, problematic, and touchy AF parts and getting to a place of understanding oneself after the fact. With a topic as sensitive as money, if you're going to broach financial trauma discussions with others and invite them into your healing process, boundaries are absolutely critical. Like walking into a minefield of hurt, you never know what you're about to step into. It could be explosive.
In beginning to have some of these money discussions with loved ones, what I'm learning is that it's 1.) incredibly liberating to know you're not alone in what was shared experiences, and 2.) in inviting others to your healing process, you need to be ready for the ripple effect of unearthing trauma others may have swept under the rug, resulting in shards of things rather not said, accidentally spewing out onto you; the instigator. People will shout their wounds or defensive mechanisms without even realizing it. Maintaining your boundaries set prior to this conversation is your protection, and clarifying their boundaries helps provide a "safe space" to have such a vulnerable conversation.
Although I'm left with many more "but why"s prior to some of these conversations I've been having -- I know this too is a win. Each "but why" unlocks a different self-limiting belief, inherited or chosen (it really doesn't matter). What matters is the emotional release, and knowing where the fault lines are to navigate from or around moving forward. Like maps to our own beliefs, each traumatic event, familial divide, and impulsive and catastrophic financial event all build to how we choose to view and interact in the world; money or not. Know where your fault lines are, and you begin to know yourself.