Mad About Him

Pleasure and Pain

"You stupid bitch!" Herman berates his wife for forgetting to bring sugar from the grocery store. Sarah can't even remember if she really forgot the sugar or if she deliberately neglected to bring it. She often plays with the idea of sabotaging things just to thwart Herman—God, maybe he'll have a stroke one day, from sheer rage.

At first, Sarah felt guilty for thinking this way; after all, they were merely words thrown at her. But her feelings for Herman have gone after he slapped her across her face. That blow, that incredible blow, with his flat hand on her left cheek. She spent the whole week in bed until the swelling had gone—when the children are older, I will leave him. Sarah promised herself this. She doesn't want the children to grow up without a father and a mother.

After the slap, Sarah looked out the window and saw the neighbor turning his head away as he walked by. She doesn't even blame him; she actually does the exact same thing as the neighbor. She closes her eyes and stays under the radar, for the sake of the boys and at her own expense. As Herman continues to scold for a while longer, Sarah sinks into a daydream—last week at the supermarket, that's where I first saw him, in the laundry detergent aisle.

A blond young man walks into the laundry detergent aisle of the grocery store and says, "Ma'am, could I just pass..." He can't get any more words out of his mouth when he makes eye contact with the brunette. Sarah is similarly speechless. Fascinated, they continue to stare at each other until a woman's voice sounds from another aisle, "Richard, where are you?" Sarah laughs, "Richard? I'm Sarah." He smiles, "Nice to meet you, Sarah." Richard grabs a box of washing powder and walks out of the aisle. Sarah looks at him until he’s out of sight. She couldn't believe what she had just felt.

Never before had she had so many butterflies in her stomach, or wait—no, that's not true. After her first kiss, yes, back then. She was blushing as she drove home from Herman on her bicycle; no, she was glowing. Now she is tense and unhappy with Herman. Herman's voice puts an end to her daydream: "Why are you standing there with that stupid grin on your face?" Sarah whispers, "I'm going to bed."
"Yeah, that’s right, get back to your bed! What about dinner? God damn it!" Sarah walks like a zombie up the stairs to the bedroom.

The Dream in the Nightmare

In the doorway of their room, two young boys stand watching their mother walk by without saying a word and softly closing her bedroom door. The two boys carefully walk down the stairs. When they get down, the oldest asks if there’s something wrong with their mom. With one ear pressed against the door, Sarah listens in. "Your mother is once again too lazy to cook, boys. Just leave her alone. I’ll fix you something."
Sarah explodes in rage—how dare he? That dirty bastard, blackening me in front of my own bloody children! But Sarah is a broken angel and can barely manage her own life—maybe he's kind of right, too. I am a terrible mother. Could I possibly be a terrible wife, too, then? She crawls under the blankets and presses her head deep into her pillow.

Sarah is walking in the supermarket when she runs into Richard: "Hello, dear Sarah." He grabs her shopping cart and rolls it away. The shopping cart rolls left and right through every aisle of the store. It rolls out and ends up on the road, causing a pink and a blue car to collide. Now there is nothing standing between the blonde and the brunette. Richard grabs Sarah and presses her against a cardboard instant-soup stand, which suddenly gives way; they both fall to the floor. He has a firm grip on her and kisses her on the mouth. They slowly rise up and float over the departments of the store. All the customers look up with open mouths. Stripped of all their clothing, Richard and Sarah land gently in the fruit and vegetable section. Among the bananas and peaches, Richard and Sarah melt together and become one.

Sarah is startled when she hears Herman in the shower—it's morning already? She gets up to make coffee for him. It's not that she likes doing this; she does it to not have him end up on top of her. A little while later, Herman comes downstairs: "No newspaper?" Sarah points to the coffee table in the living room. Herman sits down and reads the newspaper. Sarah silently puts his coffee in front of him.

She watches him stir through his coffee; there is no end to it. She can no longer hear the sound of the spoon grinding across the bottom of the cup and runs out of the room, back upstairs. She hears Herman's voice echoing through the house: "Hey, are you going to lie in your bed again, lazy bitch?" A thick tear runs down her cheek—I have to get out of here, but the boys.

The Great Escape

Sarah lies in bed and thinks about the delicious dream that kept her company during the cold night. An hour later, as Herman leaves for work, she gets out of bed and walks over to the boys' bedroom, "Wakey-wakey, boys!" Sarah walks downstairs slowly, exhausted, preparing packed lunches and making coffee for herself. The boys are remarkably quiet during the car ride to school: "Well, boys, it's almost weekend. Do you want to go do something special?" The boys barely pay her any attention, and the backseat choir answers with a cheeky "Hm...". This can only mean two things: no, or leave us alone. When Sarah has dropped the boys off at school, she decides to drive to the woods for a walk just to clear her head. She parks her white van at the edge and walks into the forest. It smells wonderful, and Sarah would like to enjoy it, but every time she tries to, she sees Herman's face in front of her.

Sarah saunters on, kicking a few leaves into the air with each step. Herman's angry eyes and his cold words hit her like bullets, killing her memory. When she has walked for a good hour, she decides to take a rest and sits down on a large, old tree stump. As she massages her calves, she hears a familiar voice. "Well, isn't this a coincidence?" Sarah looks up in surprise, straight into Richard's eyes. While blushing, she responds with a soft, "Hi, isn't your girlfriend with you?"

"That's over." Richard replies, looking up in the morning sun of soft orange shining through the leaves. The two start talking as they walk through the woods together. Richard is an architect and a man without any baggage. Sarah talks about her home situation and her desire to get out of the rut: "Oh, I dreamed about you last night."
"About me? Oh, do tell?" Before Sarah even has a chance, they are already standing in front of her van. "Could you drop me off at home, Sarah?"
Sarah looks at him questioningly: "Richard, what if we ran off now?" Richard looks at Sarah and opens the door of her van, "What do you think of southern Italy?"
"I love southern Italy!" The two get into Sarah's van. Seconds later, Sarah turns off the engine: "No, I can't do this; I'm sorry, Richard. The kids." Richard stares through the windshield into the woods from the passenger seat and replies, "I understand. I'll walk home. Bye, Sarah." Richard gets out of the van and walks away without looking back. In the evening, Herman and Sarah are watching TV. The news is followed by a police report.

Guilty

"The police asks your attention for the following: today in the forest, the remains of a still unknown man were found. The police ask you to look out for a white van and a woman with dark brown hair who was driving the van. She was seen at the crime scene this afternoon by a witness. We are asking the driver of the white van to come forward so we can exclude her from the investigation."

Sarah gets a flashback. She remembers what happened this afternoon—I killed him; this is about Richard. I hit him with my phone, and I drove my van into the water. Oh no, what have I done?

"Could you drop me off at home, Sarah?"
"Richard, what if we ran off now?"
Richard looks at Sarah and opens the door of her van: "What do you think of southern Italy?" Before Sarah can answer that, she gets a vision of Herman walking into the nursery with a kitchen knife. Sarah stands in the hall and looks at Herman. She begs him to forgive her for her affair with Richard, but Herman, waving the kitchen knife around, shouts that it's too late for regrets and that there must be consequences for her behavior; "I could hit you again, but you’ve shown me that this is useless! So I will take away what you love most!" Sarah drops to her knees as Herman slams the children's door shut, and she hears the boys screaming for help as Herman slaughters them both. When the door swings open, and a blood-soaked Herman lunges at her, Sarah awakens from her vision.

She is panicked by her vision and, on impulse, grabs her phone from her pocket and hits Richard with it several times on his head. She apologizes to Richard as she beats him to death, "I'm sorry, Richard, but I have to protect my boys; I'm sorry! Herman must never find out! I'm so sorry!" She hits him relentlessly until her phone breaks. She then leaves Richard's dead body in the parking lot and drives away. A mile further, Sarah stops along the canal and gets out of her van. She puts the car in neutral and pushes it into the water. She watches her van disappear under the water. She then walks back home, in shock.

And the Truth shall...

Herman feels Sarah's body stiffen and says, "Hey, what are you doing?" In a blind panic, Sarah confesses: "Herman, I did something terrible. It was me!"
"What the are you talking about?" Sarah explains that she killed the man, that she wanted to run off with him, and that she couldn't go through with it. "I hit him with my phone on his head until it broke! Then I drove my van into the water! I'm so sorry!" Herman calmly walks to the window, pushes the curtain aside, and looks out: "Your van is standing right there; I think you're a little confused."
"Well, didn't you hear the police report just now?"
"Honey, what police report?"
Sarah gets angry: "It's all your fault; you’re always arguing with me!"
"Honey, we hardly ever argue." Herman walks upstairs and returns with a full bottle of pills. "Look, this bottle should be half-empty by now."
Sarah looks at Herman in disbelief: "What is this supposed to mean?"
"Honey, was that man's name Richard?" Herman asks, as he sits down next to Sarah and wraps his arm around her. Sarah is startled and looks at Herman with wide eyes: "Yes, his name was Richard; how do you know that?"
"You're sick, dear. You have psychosis and delusions, and inside this bottle is the medication that, from the looks of it, you are no longer taking." Herman puts Sarah's phone on her leg: "Your phone was on the nightstand and it still works." He sits down next to Sarah, who is inspecting her phone. "Richard was your fiance. You met him in the supermarket, in the laundry detergent aisle. You've told the story a hundred times, to me and to your therapist. I can dream the story. Richard was in the army. When you were twenty-one, he was killed in Afghanistan. You never got over that."

Sarah is panicking, and the children are going through her head: "Oh my God! The children! Then please tell me that our children are real!" Herman holds Sarah tightly and looks at her penetratingly: "Yes, dear, the children are real. They are staying with my parents all week." At that moment, Sarah awakens from her delusion, and she knows Herman is telling the truth. She releases her tears: "Oh, Herman, I'm so sorry!" Herman comforts her and holds her all evening and all night.

A few weeks later, Sarah is doing much better. She is taking her medication and has already had several extra sessions with her therapist. The children are in bed, and she and Herman are sitting in their garden. They enjoy each other's company under the watchful eye of a large, setting, orange evening sun.

"Herman?"
"Yes, dear?"
"I love you."
"I love you too, honey."