Buy Boskie a cookie

3,2,1: Kick it! I'm Boskie. I'm on top to break the chain, no pain. Don't be afraid cuz Japanese words I don't understand 😄 Anyway. Now that you know almost nothing about me, it's time to get to the REAL stuff. The stuff you've wanted to know for ages, or however long it took you to read the first few sentences. Speaking of time...I like time. Time Stop. Time Rewind. Time Fastforward...isnt that great, but it's in the family anyway! Yeah ~.~ All that stuff is just great. This profiley thing right here. This is what I like to call a Time Waste. It is simply here to keep me off topic and you from your prize. Oh crap. I said there was a prize. You probably want it now huh? >>

Wow! What was I doing when I wrote that!? Meth is a hellova drug I tell ya. Did you read all the way to the end of this? DID YA?! If you did then congrats. You get to read more! HA! Thought you'd get a prize? Yeah right ya dumb shi-kamaru. That’s a Naruto character. Ya know. That guy that’s all "This is so troublesome"? No? Well anyway. Only true fans (Haha I said fans) have read this far so ya know what? You still get nothing. It's not that easy folks. I'm tellin ya. If you're still readin you have problems cuz I'm tellin ya right now theres no prize. Like I'd waste my time on some dork who is readin all this in hopes of getting like a dollar or something. You want a prize? Here's a buck.

OH YOUR GOD! He just kicked you in the face! What? You thought I meant a one dollar bill? Yeah well that was your mistake. Now you have a hoof print on your face just cuz you HAD to keep reading. Great job ya tard muffin. Whats a tard muffin? Why ya askin me? I don't know. I just call people it. I just follow the rules. I don't make 'em. That'd be the rules of how to make a tard muffin if you were wondering. OKAY! Woah, you actually read to the third freakin paragraph!

Yeah thats right. This is not even the third paragraph. It's the third FREAKIN paragraph. It's just that special. Cuz 3 is a magic number. It has the power to fuse with another 3 and make an 8. What other number can do that? Exactly. None of them can. Thats why here in the Fischtown, we call 3 the DRAGONBALL Z Number. Or just Goku for short. Whats the Fischtown? Why my homeland of course. The place exist. Go look it up!

I wonder how many monkeys actually went off to look it up just to prove me wrong. Well, before they get back let's continue shall we? For all of you who are still here, I have a present for you :3

That present is a short third paragraph. OWNED. You got owned. Now you've been owned and have a hoof print on your face. Jeez, you are rather persistent ain't ya? Guess what. I just spelled persistent wrong and then spell check corrected it. Firefox: For the win! If you don't have Firefox go get it! Stop reading and go get it now! In fact. I'm gonna failsafe it. If you don't have Firefox then you can't get the prize. Yep. I just tipped everyone off. There is INDEED a prize at the end of this whole long thing. I don't even know what this is. I guess it's a rant. I'm gonna go look up what a rant is.

Okay, I'm back. I didn't actually look it up. Yeah I made you pause for about .5 seconds to NOT go do something. You probably hate me and want to stop reading right now huh? You're sitting there like "This mother freaker just made me wait a whole god darned .5 seconds to go do something and he didn't even do it! Screw this dude!" and you're about to leave. GOOD! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! BY THE WAY! THE BABY IS YOURS! Yeah, bet that blew your mind~ The baby is yours and you don't even know who the mother and baby are. What? You're a girl. Well don't look at me ya lesbian. Gawd! Always tryin to stick your problems that I tell you you have on me. Selfish people. You know what selfish people get?

The answer is a 7th paragraph if you couldn't guess. If you guessed anything else then leave! Leave now! 

I wonder how many people left. Well for those of you who aren't retards, guess what! Theres still no prize. Anyone getting tired of that yet? Yeah, I bet you all are. You must really want this prize. You could be doing ANYTHING else but noooooooo. You just HAVE to get this prize. You don't even know what it is! What if it's something you already have? Like a two headed cyborg fish demon with two lazer (Yes "Lazer") cannons on its back? ....What? Not everyone has one? What do you mean I'm the only one who has one?! .....Well you guys are lame. For your birthday, I'll try to get you one. WARNING: Side effects include Death and Painful Lazer Drownings! What? Who put that sign there?! Firefox Spell check? Darn you. Darn you to heck! Whoever has Firefox, get rid of it now. Go and UN-download it off your computer!

Now that those people are gone we can get down to business. Thats right. The prize business. I'll make you an offer you can't refuse......

In the next paragraph. Which is now. So I guess thats the THIS paragraph. Sorry about that. That's right. You are the worthy people who will get the prize. You, who have triumphed over all obstacles and tricks. You, who have passed where others failed. You, who are a supreme geek for reading this freakin far in such a pointless 23 year old's bio thingy. This seriously must be 10 paragraphs long or something.......Oh wait, it is. Well whoever can tell me exactly how many pixels of my page this takes up wins the prize! ;D

Now that the SUPER geeks are gone theres only the cool awesome popular people left. Everyone loves cool awesome popular people. Even those hot horny cheerleaders in your yard, waiting to be taken by you!

That gets rid of the popular people. I hate those guys. Now awesomely cool people are you ready? FOR THE PRIZE!?!?!?! Yeah the prize you've read all this way for. The prize is

This right here! Another sentence! I mean two sentences. CRAP! I can't type the number of sentences you read to unless I type another sentence. It's a never ending cycle of ongoing unstoppableness. I have a bad vocabulary. I think all the silly words we make up should just become an actual, understandable, ivy league word. Like terriblihorriblinessism (sow-nd-eet-ow-t) should so be a word. I use it. It should be in a dictionminary :3 Almanac/Dictionary hybrid. Keep up now people.

Anyway. Yeah. That prize. I need to keep on track. Can you help me? Comon. Say "Keep on track!" Everybody now! "Keep on track!" You know what else keeps on track? Hamsters. They just go about their day, always running and eating and running and plotting to destroy humanity and running. Crap I said running twice. Or maybe more times. OH! Remember when I said that thing about that sentence. Yeeeah it's turned into two paragraphs now. They grow up so fast dont they? Remember that time when the sentence was just a sentence and peanut butter was marshmellow stew fried bacon tenders? Well Pedrige Farms remembers. I dont know if I spelled that right but it was great. Good times. Gooood times.

Hey look! Another paragraph! It's so awesome. Especially considering the shortness of the last one.

Speaking of short paragraphs. WHEW! Darn. So much to say, so little time. What was I talking about? OH YEAH! That prize you wanted ^^ It's a grand prize, I tell ya. Super special awesomeriffic prize of super special awesomeness. You ready for this?! YOU GET! A BRAND! NEW!

Paragraph. Damn these things just keep popping up everywhere. Like rabbits. Or hamsters. Didn't I mention hamsters before? Why don't you scroll up and read from where I talked about hamsters. That was honestly the best part of the whole rant crap that I'm doing here.

There. Now idiots will be caught in that infinite loop of hamsterness and will never get the grand prize that you smarties have been waiting for. Speaking of, I HATE smarties. I mean the candy. Ya know? Those like round candy things. What? You love them? Well eff you! Why don't you go to the nearest drug store, buy some, and then marry them!

Okay now while some people are off to explain to their parents why they're marrying an edible sugar snack instead of that rich monkey that lives across the street, we shall continue to the prize. Yeah. I know I know. You almost forgot about the prize. You were so distracted by my awesome traps to get people to leave that you totally missed that secret message I left in the last paragraph when you take the 2nd letter out of every word and put it all together.

There. The "I Know Everything About Nothing" people are gone. I hate those people. They think they know so much but then when you ask them about whatever they're all like "Oh you didn't know that? I totally know that. I can't believe you didn't know that!" and we're just like... Eff you man. Theres no joke behind that.. I just really hate those people. So yeah. You've made it this far. Further than Indiana Jones. Thats right. You're like the new Chuck Norris for making it this far. Why don't you give yourself a pat on the elbow...with your tongue.

There that just eliminated like a ton of people right there. Like a good 5 or so. Maybe even 2. Is 2 more than 5? Ah whatever. You made it to the last paragraph! ...Well for now anyway. Who knows. There could be like infinity paragraphs and you could just be reading forever. You'd never get to the prize and you'd just die a horrible miserable death. Never have children. Never play that new gen system. Never breathe fresh air. I mean unless you already have all those and your computer is outside for some strange reason..... Yeah. If you have all those things then good for you. You're a trooper. Shouldn't you be watching your kids? You know they like to lick things. Like electrical sockets.

That got rid of at least 100 paranoid parents. AT LEAST. For all you other noobs out there, I might have to come up with something drastic. Something so horrible and crazy that only a criminal mastermind would think of. Something like keeping you reading a stupidly long rant of random crap, promising some dumb prize while I have my secret ninja army sneak into your house and steal all your stuff. Thanks for leaving your door, window, and basement window open, retard. Awfully nice houssssse you have here.

Okay theres gotta be like only one of you by now. Because this prize is so grand and amazing that it can only go to one person. I know you must be wondering by now what this prize could possibly be. You're sitting there like "This is just some dumb rant to waste my time and there probably isnt even a prize!" Well to that I say flip you you skinny ass fat tub of lard eatin diabetic needle havin anti social cycnical ugly faced metabolism double chinned pointy nosed hunched back no metabolism mighty morphin monkey lovin FREAK!

That's like all the insecure monkeys gone in one really really long blow. Hehe...blow. It's like taking down 2 birds with a fuckin heat seaking rocket launcher. Yeeah B3. I'm really narrowing it down here. And ya know why? Cuz when you get to the prize it'll be all the more worth it. It's truly that great. Don't believe me? Go to Google and type in GOATSE. It stands for Grandest Original Amazing Treasure Seen EVER. You will be blown away and swept away into emotions you will never feel ever.

Now that people have seen and hurled all over their screen, they wont be able to continue to the most amazing prize ever. You've come a long way chosen one. A long...long way. Heh...long. Anyway! Here it is! Through all your peril and evasion of my traps, you have come to the GREATEST! PRIZE! EVER!

Aaaaaaaafter this. Yes I know. I keep promising you things and you're not getting it. But this prize is like....pretty sweet. I mean it's nothing super spectacular amazingtastic delicious or anything, but...like, it'll probably blow your mind. In fact, why am I even describing to you in such detail!? I should just give it to you right!?

That was the part where you go YEAH! and then storm off to join some kinda civil rights union against me. How are you STILL here?! The prize can NOT be that important to you that you've read this whole thing, gotten kicked in the face, fallen prey to countless tricks and come back, battered and bruised, just to get some pointless little prize. Maybe it isn't about the prize. No. It's about the journey. You wanna get there! You're like that little dwarf thing from that movie about jewelery! You're like that high schooler that wants to have sex with a college girl! Yeah! You are determined! You are a MONSTER!! Well, with that kinda unstoppable determination, there is only one thing to do...

Keep trying to stop you. Bwahaha~ Yes! You've probably realized by now, but in case you just got here by pure dumb luck and you literally have the brain of a fruitless peanut monkey- Wait. I'm not sure why fruit would matter in that equation.... Peanut Monkeys love fruit? Then why are they called Peanut Monkeys? Someone needs to talk to the animalogists about that one. That might be a huge oversight in general animalogy. Anyway. What was I saying? Something about you being a monkey because you couldn't guess something... I lost my train of thought. Hold on let me go and read back through this so I can get back on track. It'll only take a bit. Just uhhh ...sit tight there... you....little monkey you~ Heh.

Okay I got it! You figured it out! If your life was a story, I'd be the antagonist! Stopping you from reaching your goal with every trick in the book! And trust me, the book is pretty long. Like ridiculously long. If the Harry Potter book had a illegitimate love child with the....Actually I don't know books well enough to make this analogy. Let me think of something better. Ah, okay. IF BOOKS....HAD SEX WITH OTHER BOOKS...Then...Well this book that I get my tricks from would be their child... and there would be a looooooooooot of pages. I mean. This IS a lot of pages. I gotta send you this thing. It's heavy. Probably won't even make it through the mail system. But you know what WILL make it through the mail system!?

Your prize! I mean, heh, provided you actually get to it. Oh remember that thing about the book? What is THIS was a book? Think about it. Really. Cuz once you do, your brain will probably explode out the back of your head so fast you won't even be able to exclaim "Holy Aunt Jemimas, I thought about it." But then of course you wouldn't get your prize and all your time on Earth would have been wasted reading this mind-blowingly unbelievable book. Oh right. The book thing. Yeah! What if this was a book!? A book that's sole purpose was to stop you from reading it. I, for one, think that'd be a damn interesting book. We could write it. It could be done. Join the Dark Side. Comon. Go make a light saber and meet me out in the desert. Doesn't matter which desert. We'll find you. The Force works like that.

Now my Light Side hooligans and fellow philanthropist. You should hear the wild screams of terror coming from the world right now, created by the rage of not getting my excruciatingly hard to get prize. It's like an adventure. A really annoying adventure with little to no benefit. Except that you are reading. So that's a good thing, right? Yeah. That's a good prize if I say so! Intelligence buff! Good for you! Go share your new found intelligence with the world!

Now, I know you didn't fall for that one. One: because reading this would actually deteriorate your intelligence at the vast rate of two proton torpedoes colliding within a time space conversion. And two: you're obviously still reading this. Which brings an interesting concept. If you just stopped reading, these words wouldn't exist to you right? It would not impact you at all and you would never be influenced by my words to harm yourself mentally and or physically or get stranded in a desert. I should build a memorial to you. For your dedication to this prize and to reading more about me. Though this kinda stopped being about me about a million years ago. In fact, you don't care about me at all! All you want is the prize!

You're a selfish mean jerk that doesn't even care that I break my leg when I was 12 or that my eyes are hazel brown and I enjoy long walks on the beach and have the ability to read minds. Okay none of that is true, but if it was YOU wouldn't even care! You should be ashamed of yourself! I don't think I'm even going to give you the prize now. You'd have to do something so spectacularly amazing and devoted that I'd have no choice but to openly weep with joy at the immense amount of care you give about me! And God knows that ain't gonna happen! Hmph!

........Wow you're still reading? Yeesh, saying that is deja vu at this point. But wow. You must either really care about me or you're the greediest heartless thing on the face of this galaxy. Either way, I think you deserve the prize because that's damn impressive. Okay. You win! This is it! You've earned it in one way or another! THE GRAND. FINAL. AMAZING PRIZE!!!!!!

 A jar of free air. Don't spend it all in one place. 

Woah woah woah! I smell a cheater! If you are just looking down here then you get NOTHING. You get no real prize! AT ALL! In fact. I place a curse on you. You're gonna die!......in 7 decades or so. Give or take a decade. Yeah. Sucks to be you! 

But in all seriousness, I'm Boskie/Butterhamster.

I'm a Canadian-European guy who loves making Furry Art, Photography, Music and Travelling!

If you want to support my adventures, feel free to buy me a cookie!