These Anxieties Of Mind - Daniel Defoe ( ...

These Anxieties Of Mind - Daniel Defoe (1719)

Nov 23, 2024

Anxiety - Nicholas Roerich (1938)

These anxieties of mind, and the care of my preservation, put a period to all future inventions and contrivances, either for accommodation or convenience. I now cared not to drive a nail, chop a stick, fire a gun or make a fire, lest either the noise should be heard, or the smoke discover me. And on this account I used to burn my earthen ware privately in a cave which I found in the wood, and which I made convenient for that purpose; the principal cause that brought me here was to make charcoal, so that I might bake and dress my bread and meat without any danger. At that time a curious accident happened me, which I shall now relate.

While I was cutting down some wood for making my charcoal, I perceived a cavity behind a very thick branch of underwood. Curious to look into it, I attained its month, and perceived it sufficient for me to stand upright in. But when I had entered, and took a further view, two rolling shining eyes like flaming stars seemed to dart themselves at me; so that I made all the haste out that I could, as not knowing whither it was the devil or a monster that had taken his residence in that place. When I recovered a little from my surprise, I called myself a thousand fools, for being afraid to see the devil one moment, who had now lived almost twenty years in the most retired solitude. And therefore resuming all the courage I had, I took a flaming firebrand, and in I rushed again. I had not proceeded above three steps, when I was more affrighted than before; for then I heard a very loud sigh, like that of a human creature in the greatest agony, succeeded with a broken noise, resembling words half expressed, and then a broken sigh again. Stepping back, Lord! (thought I to myself) where am I got, into what enchanted place have I plunged myself, such as are reported to contain miserable captives, till death puts an end to their sorrow? And, indeed, in such great amazement was I, that it struck me into a cold sweat; and had my hat been on my head, I believe my hair would have moved it off. But again encouraging myself with the hopes of God's protection, I proceeded forward, and, by the light of my firebrand, perceived it to be a monstrous he-goat, lying on the ground, gasping for life, and dying of mere old age. At first, I stirred him, thinking to drive him out, but the poor ancient creature strove to get upon his feet, but was not able; so I e'en let him lie still to affright the savages, should they venture into this cave. I now looked round me and found the place but small and shapeless. At the farther side of it, I perceived a sort of an entrance, yet so low, as must oblige me to creep upon my hands and knees to it; so, having no candle, I suspended my enterprise till the next day, and then I came provided with two large ones of my own making.

Having crept upon my hands and feet, through this strait, I found the roof higher up, I think about twenty feet. But surely mortal never saw such a glorious sight before! The roof and walls of this cave reflected a hundred thousand lights to me from my two candles, as though they were indented with mining gold, precious stones, or sparkling diamonds. And indeed it was the most delightful cavity or grotto of its kind that could be desired, though entirely dark. The floor was dry and level, and had a kind of gravel upon it: no nauseous venomous creatures to be seen there, neither any damp or wet about it. I could find no fault but in the entrance, and I began to think that even this might be very necessary for my defence, and therefore resolved to make it my most principal magazine. I brought hither two fowling-pieces, and three muskets, leaving only five pieces at my castle, planted in the nature of cannon. Of the barrel of gunpowder, which I took up out of the sea, I brought away about sixty pounds powder, which was not damaged, and this with a great quantity of lead for bullets, I removed for my castle to this retreat, now fortified both by art and nature.

I fancied myself now like one of the giants of old, who were said to live in caves and holes among the rocks, inaccessible to any but themselves, or, at lest, a most dangerous to attempt. And now I despised both the cunning and strength of the savages, either to find me out or to hurt me.

But I must not forget the old goat, which caused my late dreadful amazement. The poor creature gave up the ghost the day after my discovery; & it being difficult to drag him out, I dug his grave, and honourably entombed him in the same place where is departed, with as much ceremony as any Welch goat that has been interred about the high mountain Penmanmawn.

I think I was now in the twenty-third year of my reign, and my thoughts much easier than formerly, having contrived several pretty amusements and diversions to pass away the time in a pleasant manner. By this time my pretty Poll had learned to speak English, and pronounce his words very articulately and plain; so that for many hours we used to chat together after a familiar manner, and he lived with me no less than twenty-six years. My dog which was nineteen years old, sixteen of which he lived with me, died some time ago of mere old age. As for my cats, they multiplied so fast, that I was forced to kill or drive them into the woods, except two or three which became my particular favourites. Besides these, I continually kept two or three household kids about me, which I learned to feed out of my hand, and two more parrots which could talk indifferently, and call Robinson Crusoe, but not so excellently as the first, as not taking that pains with them. I had also several sea-owls which I had wounded and cut their wings; and growing tame, they used to breed among the low trees about my castle walls, all which made my abode very agreeable.

But what unforeseen events suddenly destroy the enjoyment, of this uncertain state of life, when we least expect them! it was now the month of December, in the southern solstice, and particular time of my harvest, which required my attendance in the fields; when going out pretty early one morning, before it was day-light, there appeared to me, from the sea shore, a flaming light, about two miles from me at the east end of the island, where I had observed some savages had been before, not on the other side, but to my great affliction, it was on my side the island.

Struck with a terrible surprise, and my usual apprehensions, that the savages would perceive my improvements, I returned directly to my castle, pulled the ladder after me, making all things look as wild and natural as I possibly could. In the next place, I put myself into a posture of defence, loading my muskets and pistols, and committing myself to God's protection, I resolved to defend myself till my last breath. Two hours after, impatient for intelligence, I set my ladder up to the side of the hill, where there was a flat place, and then pulling the ladder after me ascended to the top, where laying myself on my belly, with my perspective glass, I perceived no less than nine naked savages, sitting round a small fire, eating, as I supposed human flesh, with their two canoes haled on shore, waiting for the flood to carry them off again. You cannot easily express the consternation I was in at this sight, especially seeing them near me; but when I perceived their coming must be always with the current of the ebb, I became more easy in my thoughts, being fully convinced that I might go abroad with security all the time of flood, if they were not before landed. And, indeed, this proved just as I imagined; for no sooner did they all take boat and paddle away, but the tide made N.W. Before they went off they danced, making ridiculous postures and gestures for above an hour, all stark naked; but whether men or women, or both, I could not perceive. When I saw them gone, I took two guns upon my shoulders, and placing a couple of pistols in my belt, with my great sword hanging by my side, I went to the hill, where at first I made a discovery of these cannibals, and then saw there had been three canoes more of the savages on shore at that place, which with the rest were making over to the main land.

But nothing could be more horrid to me, when going to the place of sacrifice, the blood, the bones, and other mangled parts of human bodies appeared in my sight; and so fired was I with indignation, that I was fully resolved to be revenged on the first that came there, though I lost my life in the execution. It then appeared to me, that the visits which they make to this island are not very frequent, it being fifteen months before they came again; but still I was very uneasy, by reason of the dismal apprehensions of their surprising me unawares; nor dared I offer to fire a gun on that side of the island where they used to appear, lest, taking the alarm, the savages might return with many hundred canoes, and then God knows in what manner I should have made my end. Thus was I a year or more before I saw any of these devouring cannibals again.

But to wave this, the following accident, which demands attention, for a while eluded the force of my thoughts in revenging myself on those Heathens.

On the 16th of May (according to my wooden calendar) the wind blew exceedingly hard, accompanied with abundance of lightning and thunder all day, and succeeded by a very stormy night. The seeming anger of the Heavens made me have recourse to my Bible. While I was seriously pondering upon it, I was suddenly alarmed with the noise of a gun, which I conjectured was fired upon the ocean. Such an unusual surprise made me start up in a minute, when, with my ladder, ascending the mountain as before, that very moment a flash of fire presaged the report of another gun which I presently heard, and found it was from that part of the sea where the current drove me away. I could not but then think, that this must be a ship in distress, and that there were the melancholy signals for a speedy deliverance. Great, indeed, was my sorrow upon this occasion; but my labours to assist them must have proved altogether vain & fruitless. However, I brought together all the dry wood that was at hand, and making a pretty large pile, set it on fire on the hill. I was certain they plainly perceived it, by their firing another gun as soon as it began to blaze, and after that several more from the same quarter. All night long I kept up my fire: and when the air cleared up, I perceived something a great way at sea, directly E. but could not distinguish what it was, even with my glass, by reason that the weather was so very foggy out at sea. However, keeping my eyes directly fixed upon it, and perceiving it did not stir, I presently concluded it must be a ship at anchor, and so very hasty I was to be satisfied, that taking the gun, I went to the S.E. part of the island, to the same rocks where I had been formerly drove away by the current, in which time the weather being perfectly cleared up, to my great sorrow, I perceived the wreck of a ship cast away upon those hidden rocks I found when I was out with my boat; and which, by making a kind of an eddy, were the occasion of my preservation.

Daniel Defoe (1719)

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