There's a lot of things I wished I knew sooner.... But here I am... And I've changed how I'm using my platforms. I struggled with showing up when I received an large wave of supporters... Mostly wanting me to share photos NSFW... I went from struggling with myself, to finding myself (feeling empowered) to showing up more... to shrinking. The damaging parts of my journey came from NOT controlling my narrative... I was afraid of confrontation and disappointing others... which only left me to disappointing myself and others.
IT'LL BE OKAY, I PROMISE
I say things to myself... to reassure myself, it's going to be okay. I talk myself through things that would have once sent me spiraling or hiding.
I think it's a hundred percent okay to change how you do things... change your mind... make U-turns and even step off path. I think it's okay to decide this... is not the way I want to do this... This is not my path... and maybe I'll take a look over here... in the darkness where I've been hiding bits and pieces of myself that I felt ashamed of... or told to be ashamed of.
I'm doing that while not doing that... I'm learning.... And in the process of learning, I've been doing things differently and seeing the bigger picture out a window I've never looked out before.
I'm not too worried about my punctuation as I write. This chair I'm sitting in... is NOT comfortable and this stand my laptop is sitting on... is a little too high. But there is no RESISTANCE in my body now... None at all... I had to walk away from money to having $4 in my account after funding my work. Writing a book, creating a website with offerings... free trainings and sessions, online courses and producing a podcast... will eat away at your funds if you don't know how to monetize your efforts.
THE POWER IN ASKING
I read a book, THE ART OF ASKING by Amanda Palmer. I lent it out... and never got it back. Amanda mentions... that there is power in asking... It's a way of saying I trust you enough to ask... and I love myself enough to be vulnerable in asking. This is hard for someone like me... It wasn't in the beginning... but there's this feeling vulnerability, scarcity and abandonment that developed along the way. What I was doing was not learning from my lessons in asking.
I've changed the LEVELS on my BUYMEACOFFEE platform. I'm writing a book (been writing it) and producing a podcast. If you'd like to become a monthly supporter or either or both, supporter levels range fro $5 - $11 monthly. There is an option to send a one time amount of your choice.
BACKSTORY
I'd like to say I love my parents.This comes from my feelings on the last paragraph). I don't really know my dad; not in a healthy way. I feel I barely really know my mom either... I know some of her history... some of his... but not enough to understand why they were they were... or are. I feel like I know my daughters; I definitely love them... and I know with certainty they love me equally back and just as strong. It took work to get here. I'm an open book; I feel they know me... I don't make excuses for my short comings as a younger parent... younger than today.
My weird family foundation that I grew up on...created an even weirder relationship foundation. Nothing was really sound... It felt like a home... a foundation built on a raft over an ocean of water... nothing beneath would balance what was built upon it.
I like BUY ME A COFFEE platform... I feel it's a place for me to share the parts of me that don't mix with my business website.... it's hard to not include who you are in your why... but professionally... no one wants to see that first... My posts get long winded on my social media... and it's been proven to have only a few seconds to catch a reader scrolling by... and a 60 second read is now too long to even most scrolling in auto pilot.
FREE CONTENT
I'm posting content here freely... and may choose some of the levels to writing ideas and thoughts allowing those levels to comment their thoughts back. I'm new to writing a book... It's not easy... I definitely feel you need some sort of college degree or professional editing what you write or helping you with the flow of the book. I'm investing in that. And the podcast is self taught... I'm learning. Right now, it's costing me about $$$ month to produce... And today, I have my first interview with someone. So, I'm pretty excited!
SUPPORT
If you'd like to support this new direction of actually writing and publishing my book... producing episodes for my podcast where I share modalities to help others moving through trauma stored in the body and the mind, I think that would be amazing!
Best Regards,
Polly