Most of the time, I feel as if I'm walking the line between fantasy and reality. The way the daylight shines through the trees is oddly reminiscent of the lucid realm. It's that feeling of shimmering existence, of flickering gently between worlds, that encapsulates my unique perspective. Imagine being here and being there at the same time, a decadent dessert of juxtaposition and contradiction, ever enticing albeit it off-putting at times. The world is never just the world to me. Energies dance around me endlessly, swiftly, gracefully and sometimes not-so-gracefully. I feel what's been here, who is here and who will be here. Why does the idea of time feel like a light suggestion to me?
Thoughts and dreams unfold like Rubik's Cubes in my mind, dissecting the colors and kaleidoscopic cubes of my intellect into palpable energies, adrenaline rushing from my jaw up through to the zenith of my thoughts. Behind my eyes, floating. Housing the thing that apparently makes me me. These energies and thoughts swirl and some mix, while others inherently oppose the essence of those around them, isolating themselves with their refusal to change. Admirable or ignorant? I don't know, but that's what they are. That's who they are, those stubborn thoughts. I love them nonetheless.
And the ones who love to change and collaborate? I love them too, those mutable thoughts. They are unique. They are their own. Or are they mine? I do not know. Their origin remains a mystery to me.
Some thoughts are aggressive and demanding. "I want this. I want my dreams. I will never budge." Other thoughts are subtle like the smell of coconut sunscreen drifting down the beach and into your nose, intoxicating via gentleness. "I just want to be happy. I could spend all day in nature, watching baby deer grow and explore and seeing beavers swim through the stream in front of me, blissfully unaware that I exist."
The thoughts come like wind, some bellowing and blowing with all their might, while others tickle my skin softly and give my goosebumps butterflies. My thoughts do not define me, I know that, but they definitely tell me something about myself. About my psyche.
Where do these thoughts come from?
I do not have an answer, but I have a hunch: most thoughts directly correlate with my health and happiness. Being unhappy becomes magnetizing to unhappy ideas. Anxiety and fear introduce my brain to thoughts that are negative in essence, more desperate in tone.
Other thoughts – creative happy ones – come from the part of my mind that connects to Something Higher. There is a sensitive part of my mind that often hears the whispers of the universe. She/He (the universe) normally mutters in my ear when I've taken care of myself that day. Done my part to feel good, to feel fulfilled. She/He comes when I write. When I walk. When I dance. When I meditate. When I play ukulele. He/She comes to me when I'm doing the things that I love, the things that make me happy.
The universe resonates with authenticity. Whenever I'm doing something that I love, that my soul needs, I notice the universe comes around for a quick visit. He/She likes visiting those who are passionate and creative. Those who live in their purpose, who want to share their ardent hearts with the world.
When the universe whispers to you, I implore you to listen. Those whispers are enough to inspire one for months, maybe even years. Those whispers remind you that Something Higher is watching, listening, wondering how you plan to share your magic with the world.
The universe has been following me on my walks through woods, never pressing but always delicately reminding me of Her Presence (the universe feels more like a "Her" when I walk through the woods) and love. She's there. Or is she here?
When I'm in the woods, I feel spirituality all around me, potent, pure and penetrating, like she has an urgent message to deliver. That message is normally a reminder to continue along my path of higher calling, to write and share my voice with the world. To never forget my worth and the worth of others. To swirl, intermingle and connect with nature always.
I live in a realm of spirituality: here and there. I do not need it to make sense for me to love it.
As I walk through the woods, flickering between reality and the ethereal realm, I see a static dance of sunlight – of hot beams – darting through the pines and the maples, forever playing hide-and-seek with my curious eyes the way forest flames should.
There it is: that familiar feeling that someone's there, the enticing, wholesome yet poisonous effect of the unknown woodland lightly distorting my sense of reality in the most delectable way possible. Ahh. Relief. I love that feeling of being here and not here, of mutating existence, of shuffling possibility.
With her disarming reminder that I am simultaneously powerful and powerless, Mother Nature – which is often who the universe cosplays as while on earth – seamlessly graces the balance beam with 'yes' on one side and 'no' on the other. She's an expert gymnast with bones of birch and stone, thick willow hair and muscles made of animal, earth and pure force. She appears poised and focused, the illusion of being in control worn well by her face. Even though she must momentarily suppress it to feel confident, she knows, miles down in her soul, that one microscopic mistake, one brisk blunder holds the potential to shatter the illusion of control like ice glass.
One wrong move and The Truth barges in, reminding us all that no matter how hard we work, no matter how perfect we believe we've become, we can never cover one hundred percent of our bases. Mother Nature balances the world out by, every once in a while, hand-delivering you your own personal shit show. And when she does, promise me you'll at least consider laughing at the funny parts, because laughter is our human way of telling nature that it's okay. We can take it. Laughter is levitous strength. An intelligent release of circumstance.
Laughter is how we become okay with the fact that we're not always in control.
Laughter is human. Laughter is forgiveness, liberation and love.
So, if you want to hear the universe whisper, do the thing you love. Do the thing that sets your soul on fire and I promise the magic will come. Be ready – be listening.
Sending you hope and love always,
Evelyn