Small progress can look like failure in disguise
On the internet, I've done many things.
The blog. Medium. Canva design. On Pinterest. Affiliate links. Fiverr. I thought that taking that one online class would be the thing that would change everything.
I kept coming back, writing, drawing, posting, and hoping. But it was like yelling into the empty space. I did everything that people say you should do. But what did happen? Almost nothing.
Sometimes not even a like.
You know how it feels to sink? Like, maybe this dream of writing or making art for money is just a fantasy. Something for other people. Not you.
I almost stopped everything that night
There was one night that I remember very well. It wasn't busy. My child was sound asleep. I had to force myself to keep going while I was sitting in front of my laptop.
I kept looking at my earnings, views, and email. The same as before. No sales. Not any new reads.
I didn't want to waste time. I had a lot of other things to do. Having real responsibilities. The real world.
And here I was, writing articles for hours that no one read. Making digital goods that no one wanted.
Like, maybe this isn't going to work, I told myself. I might want to stop.
I didn't, though.
Not because I was brave, inspired, or driven. It made me think about it all the time. Thoughts would still come to me even when I took a break. I would still think about writing. I had a strong desire to keep going. Even when there wasn't a good reason to.
I didn't know that progress was being made
It's funny to look back on it. Those posts that no one liked? What about those designs that didn't sell?
I was being taught. I learned how to talk in a more smooth way. How to be real. How to stop copying things I thought would work and make my own things that felt real.
I got a message one day. Just one.
It didn't last long. That person said my writing helped them feel less alone. That was it. It looked small, but it felt big.
Someone read what I wrote. It was important to them. It was more than just a sale that message meant. It helped me remember why I began.
The quiet clicks that don't make a sound
When we hear "something clicked," we always think that everything works right away. But it went more slowly for me. I stopped looking for what worked for other people.
When I wrote about things I cared about, not just what I thought would get a lot of views. That's when I switched from writing to get approval to writing to connect with other people.
Then things began to change one day.
A few things sold. A few people. A few emails.
Still not big.
It felt different this time, though.
It seemed real.
If you're having trouble right now
Someone reading this may be in a place where they've tried everything and nothing seems to work. I understand. It's not wrong for you. You're not doing badly.
You're coming along. You understand it now. It takes time too. Sometimes a lot of it.
It can be hard to see small steps forward. Still, it's progress.
Keep writing.
Keep coming out.
Let it be a mess. Take your time.
You don't have to go viral. You only need to be honest. Something will finally click. Not too loud. Not really well.
But only enough to remind you that it's worth it. Since you're making something real.
It takes time to be real.
Thanks for reading my writing. You're not the only one going through this if it sounds like you. I'm also still going through it.