Lily
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Depressed Mess

Depressed Mess

Aug 15, 2023

Depression is the worst. I have suffered from it my entire adult life and even though I no longer need daily prescription medicine, I do still suffer from deep depressive episodes that last anywhere from a day to weeks. (Don't worry, I now have supplements that help pull me up when I need them.)

The only good thing that comes from my depression is a journal full of scribblings that are full of emotions and thoughts I can't express out loud. Scribblings like this one...

I am an absolute depressed mess, have been for 2 years, and it's been getting steadily worse since February. Nothing I do helps, and I'm at my breaking point. But do I get to say this to anyone? Nope. Because every time I open my mouth to open up, I'm asked "What about me and my needs?"

I cannot keep being everything to everyone while forced to deal with all my own shit alone. It's too much. Everyone clings to me, and when I scream that I'm drowning, they pull me down harder and further so they can step on me to get up themselves. Is this my only purpose in life? To drown so they can live? That hardly seems fair.

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Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash

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