This one's extremely journal. First drafty. For those of you who know my partner, he's "fine" per the ER, meaning he's not gonna keel over from a stroke or heart attack probably. Sigh.
Transcript:
I've been working all morning on a book proposal abotu Long Covid and how soooo many people don't know their new health conditions ARE possibly long covid.
(an image of me working at a 2 monitor desktop computer, arrows point to SCARY STUDY, alarming graph, actual article that confirms it's real in a major media outlet, "case study" of a friend who has cardiac issues after covid.)
I'd opened some mail that morning and found a letter from a doctor's office saying my insurance had denied a claim from February 2024 (20 months ago) and they needed money.
Images: Me, holding a "2nd notice" letter, saying "I honestly don't see how this is MY problem at this date." An image of my phone with a text message to "husband guy" saying "today in 'now what?' + pic of letter" and him responding "OMG"
In other words, already primed for some BULLSHIT.
Image, me leaning on my desk looking irritated, saying "No, I didn't have medicare until JULY of '24."
(I think it's resolved)
Image: Phone goes BZZT BZZT with a call from Husband Guy, who doesn't call, almost EVER.
But hwhen my phone rang and it wasn't a spam call...
Me: "What now?"
Husband, on phone: "Hah, yeah... I'm I don't want you top anic but [Work Wife] is bringing me to the ER because...
...heart being weird...
...'weird' left arm tremors...
...better safe than sorry...
Image: I facepalm.
Me: ...you got a mask to put on in the ER?"
Husband, on phone: "Uhh.... i dunno."
I know this is the "wrong" first concern to my husband maybe going to the ER with a heart attack but I also know so many people GET covid when they're trying to get care for things possibly CAUSED by covid... I know he doesn't have one, dammit.
Images of text messages on phone
Husband: Don't worry I probably just had too much coffee
Me: UGH
Images of another text thread, with friends from my aforementioned case study who went through this last year
Friend 1: They triage heart stuff fast!
Friend 2: Has he had covid recently? My doc said heart stuff is common after...
Me: Probably. Who even knows. And Yeah. I know.
An arrow points to my blase answer saying "The burnout from no public health protections and bad expired tests is REAL."
Images, me talking to myself.
Hanging head, sad: "Ugh, I know HE had all this stuff but husband having it really brings it home."
Looking sheepish: "Really? C'mon, self. You've been sick almost 6 years. disabled."
Making a "really" face: Literally was just writing about how covid can affect the heart and stuff, for my mom who has it.
Image: Bzzt bzzt. A text message reads "not a heart attack." I stick out my tongue, lean back.
How can it feel "closer to home" than my own body?
This page is stream of consciousness with a spiral in the back.
I guess what I'm feeling is: I'm USED to having weird health shit happen to ME. I've burnt out my "now what" cortisol for myself.
But this is a new reservoir of worry. If we're BOTH chronically ill-
NOPE! This is a spiral I cannot handle right now. It is a real possibility but I cannot do a damn thing about it and geting worked up is likely to put me into a crash so it's probably better to dissociate until there is anything real I can do. UGH.
It's times like these I think- They promised me a future with flying cars and magical robot doctors and like - good things! Tech that made life easy and fun.
The future DID NOT DELIVER!!!
-end-