This past weekend, Áine had a chance to spend time with some of her cousins in Door County, Wisconsin. It’s a big thing, as she is the last of 20 grandkids and these cousins are the closest to her in age. And it’s a big thing as birth rates decline, the number of cousins also decline. An article in the Atlantic Magazine caught my eye some weeks back about this decline.
I grew up in a family of 10 kids and so, cousins were sort of an additional cherry on the top of familial relations. The cousins on my mom’s side of the family were very close to us. Each summer we would all gather out at my grandparents in Wyoming, and we would then have a lot of adventures. Our girl cousins were the first real interactions we had with girls that were not our sister. It was nice to be liked by a girl, even if she was your cousin. And liked for being your cousin. I have great memories of singing and all of us swimming in the above ground pool we put up each summer and filled with bone-chilling mountain water.
We boy cousins would hike in the mountains and would all sleep out in the bunkhouse shed, scaring each other to death with ghost stories and asphyxiating each other with farting contests as well. It had no lasting effects as those young lads all went on to everything from doctors to the US ambassador to Malaysia.
My dad’s side of the family was not as close. I can only guess this was due to the fact that the sisters-in-law didn’t get along. But there is also research that proves that we are skewed when it comes to “mom’s side vs. dad’s side” when it comes to family. Apparently, the bonding with mom, grandma and grandpa holds more with women, thus sisters who all have kids tend to make the family reunions happen more.
With my dad’s side, we saw cousins only at events. Usually around a funeral, which isn’t a lot of fun. My cousin Helen and I would meet at football games between our high schools. She was a cheerleader and so at halftime we would find each other and give each other big hugs. I often liked it that the guys in my class would see me talking to the cheerleaders on the other side of the field. We managed to keep close, and I sang at her wedding, which was the first and only time I performed at Notre Dame University, an indelible memory for me. My cousin Maggie McCormack was a huge part of my life in later years, helping me get back on my feet after my divorce and sharing our love for our family both here and in Ireland. She and I spearheaded the first family reunion for the McCormack's and thankfully we recently had another one in June.
Cousins are wonderful as they are family but not hotwired into your immediate family. They are great "commiserators" when it comes to sharing some of the familial weirdness that each family possesses. Our immediate family had enough to go around, but it is more fun when we could all compare the traits of our type-A mothers and how similar they were. A great deal of natural comedy was revealed in how the Lang sisters interacted with each other and their husbands. That all three husbands have earned sainthood was without argument. It turned out a lot of the family angst and anxieties were inherited, and, in some ways, that made things much better psychologically for me. It’s nice to know you are not the only weirdo.
My regret is that I didn’t have all my cousins around me growing up. How much more fun and interesting it would have been to share ideas, job opportunities, places to live, travel and more with someone who is part of your clan.
And so, with Áine, I am anxious to see her be part of that larger family experience. Especially as she is the last of that brood of first cousins. Over the years effort has been made to keep all our cousins together, sort of a response to the fact we didn’t have that chance with my dad’s cousins. It meant a lot for me to be able to let her have even a small amount of time being with those people who are still young, still open to changes and still not jaundiced or prejudiced by life.
Áine, her cousin Helen and Luke prepared dinner together on our last night there. We later went to the outdoor drive-in movie, a first for Áine, in Fish Creek. For about 45 minutes before the film, she and her cousin Luke, who is five years older, kicked a soccer ball back and forth. They ran a couple of races and just had kid fun. I sat there and grinned for them and for me. It is a gift for which I am very grateful.
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