Why I should’ve never left the rock I was living under
If there’s anything worse than a cesspool, it’s dating. The two can be used synonymously if you ask me. At this rate, I don’t think I understand the purpose of it, and I don’t think the daters do either. It’s just a hobby these days.
I figured maybe someone could shed some light on the reasons I should date while I haphazardly share the reasons I do not.
The Nerve, Goal, and Audacity
Somebody asked me the other day,
“lol u gonna be my gf one day?”
On a different day, another casually offered,
“U could be my gf…if u want..”
I think they wanted an OMG! YES! But they got a Beyonce “Girl bye” meme tagged with an,
“Um, excuse me. What?”
According to the Urban Dictionary and word of mouth from those who “still got it”, I was being asked to go steady with either party. Sidenote, does anyone else exclusively date someone they’ve only spoken to a handful of times over the course of three weeks?
Yes?
Wow. So that's reason number two why dating is dead. People don’t entirely care to know you. I care greatly. They could be a cereal killer, specifically Cinnamon Toast Crunch, who uses orange juice instead of milk and eats it with a fork. Psychotic?
My point exactly.
You. Don’t. Even. Know. Me.
Onto reason number three.
But Why Though
“Why do you even like me?”
I ask them out of curiosity because how could you like someone you barely know?
Their response:
“Idk your attractive and cool,”
or
“You actually listen and pay attention to me when I speak. Ppl dnt rlly do that these days. So...u make me feel seen.”
My question still stands because the other day they said,
“Damn nia you dnt een hmu”
First of all, my name should be capitalized. Am I the only one who still takes time to grammatize my writing even in text? I feel like if you don’t properly use they’re over there with their friends, then you too may eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch with orange juice and a fork.
Secondly, for someone to guilt-trip me yet never reach out first nor attempt to keep conversations going, I was taken aback by the message. The thing is, if I don’t engage you in enough conversation now, and it’s been zero months of us dating, dear stranger, then I’m afraid we’ve already got beef. I’m a vegetarian about six days out of the week, so not only is this unpalatable, but it’s pressure I didn’t sign a permission slip for.
Pressure placed on me to maintain this relationship that hasn’t even formed as my sole responsibility. Even though it takes two to tango. Unless you tango like Lady Gaga did at that Super Bowl halftime show. You’ll be doing that dance on your ownsome buddy. I can’t be associated with those moves. Just like the one who sent me the message.
Their low effort meant I had to be the momentum for our ship to sail off into the sunset. It was looking real titanic-y and I wasn’t going out like that. I’m a ride to live, not a ride or die.
But maybe if I pose my question legibly, I’ll get a proper response:
Y do u een lyk m3?
Better?
Scampatability
Compatibility is a joke taught at Thirsty University, the most renowned clown school. The way people tolerate others despite not even liking them is scary. I saw the warning signs while dating those hidden behind masks prior. I learned the hard way that giving the benefit of the doubt leaves me doubting the benefits. Learning lessons twice is not my forte. It’s best to opt out and be ok with what I may be “missing out on” because “so many b****es would want” the clowns trying to entertain me.
Those direct quotes alone wave a scarlet flag. Red-orange. It’d be full-on red if they directly called me a b****. Still, calling other women out of their names is a bold move and a telling sign. When flags start flashing colors, it isn’t time to lollygag and start tasting the rainbow to guess the flavor. Entitlement, ownership, minimal effort; trust that what you see is what you’ll get. Tenfold.
What I see currently are a whole lot of raisins.
Dry conversation. Low commitment with full-package expectations. If they’re here for a good time— maybe a long time — that signals convenience-based, directionless, surface-level disconnect. I hear many claims of “so much love to give” yet connection is lacking. Well, love isn’t blind just because the blind call it love.
For me, genuine compatibility equals stimulation. Now, if you want to deepen that connection, sprinkle some challenge and pursuit into the mix, sift a little flexibility plus a double dose of intentionality, and we’re speaking the same language baby. Love has a language. It remains the same all around, even though every individual responds in their own native tongue.
I’ve found many people appreciate how someone makes them feel more than truly loving the person. That’s why many get taken for granted. People also love the idea of connection while refusing to pay the bill. They don’t have the emotional funds (capacity), ability, or willingness to maintain the spark that keeps them connected.
Is it still safe to share the most authentic version of yourself openly, without shame, knowing there’s full acceptance?
I sure hope so, being I’m pseudo-love intolerant and all.
What Does It Really Mean
I used to be the kind of person who abandoned myself for love.
It seemed far more plentiful then. But that was boundless pseudo-love. How do I know? True love requires daily decisive action. Choosing to invest in someone else, allowing someone into your world, and being willing to resolve favorably (that means resolution, no one being right or wrong).
Based off of my recent exchanges with people, it’s apparent there’s been another ice age. The minds I’ve interacted with lately *dating-app free* seem to be frozen in another timeline. In a realm where consistency is irrelevant, character is an afterthought, and expectations are created before last names are exchanged.
I think it’s safe to say…
I’ll sit this one out while continuing to date the empress in me. Someone will either match that energy or people will continue to love how they feel around me until they rewrite the narrative of me being that one that got away. You cannot lose what you never tried to keep.
✨Happy Valentine's Day✨