Houa Lor
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Returning Home

Returning Home

Nov 16, 2023

The washing machine is running, a low guttural groan coming from the laundry room, as I am sitting in the dining room with my older kids. Homeschool is back and we're trying to return into the routine after having a five day vacation. My husband is at work and the younger kids are just waking up. The southern comfort here is gently awakening us to a new day as Thanksgiving is just next week. Time is swiftly arriving, reminding me that I must start working on Christmas holiday cards to send out.

I love this time of the year. Not only for the holidays but also it serves as a reminder to me about all the things I have accomplished and gives me a chance to reflect back on everything. In January, it will be one year since my husband started his job in Tennessee, bringing us to celebrate our first year anniversary in this home. It seemed like just days ago when I was wondering how I would handle things with him being so far away again from us. Last year, we spent our first Valentine's Day apart and taped in my office wall is the gift card that was attached to a dozen red roses when he sent me flowers that last holiday. I felt sentimental that day when I saw all the lovers spending time with each other and I knew that mine would be too far away from me. But my children screamed when they opened the door to tell me I had a gift waiting for me. This year, we are together again for the holidays, each and every one.

Through my many chapters of life I've written, the most incredible one has been with my husband, our journey together. Many know of our struggles and silently wish us success and some know our struggles and wish us to continue struggling. But that's ok if they think that way because I can only wish them well and hope that they never struggle or feel pain. Because I know what it's like and it's never a feeling I wish anyone to feel or encounter. My time writing my book of life has been a long one and I sometimes felt as if I was recreating a lot of earlier scenes from my life, only to find a different ending. Maybe because I've grown and become wiser, maybe because I have better visions set in place or simply because I'm better all around. I see though that I have gained a new set of eyes to see things differently. Most often I am left fending for answers or solutions but because I am much wiser this time around, the answers surface quicker, leaving me able to enjoy the rest.

I used to be deeply injured when invitations didn't reach me and I found out on social media instead. It dragged me down hard and left me hating myself because obviously I did something wrong to not receive an invitation. But I have since then learned that it's got nothing to do with me. If invitations don't come my way, let it go and find a happier place to thrive in. If someone thinks highly of you and wants you present, they will make it so and have you there. And if I am not able to attend, I can't feel bad about the situation at hand. I have learned to let things go and by learning this, my life is a lot happier and peaceful. My heart, soul and mind are not constantly at war with each other anymore. It's a good feeling to have.

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