An Update

Jan 28, 2023

Sorry if this sounds like rambling.

I was hoping to spend Thanksgiving with my family in West Virginia. Had my flight booked and even a rental car paid for to drive to Wayne, which is when my boss "asked" me to "volunteer" for Thanksgiving weekend shifts. I didn't have much of an option and the review process was going well. So, I did as I was asked and "volunteered". I satisfactorily completed the review process and ticked all the boxes and jumped through all the hoops. So, I was pretty pumped about going into my Friday review meeting on December 2nd.

On the morning of the 2nd, was the first sign that something was wrong. Instead of having my regular review as in the past few weeks, I was asked to attend an online meeting on Sunday night, December 4th. I remember seeing the timing and thinking, 'this can't be a good sign'. So, I spent the next 48 hours or so tossing coins, plucking flower petals and shaking magic 8 balls to see if I could divine my fate. I am not a superstitious person but honestly, there was nothing else on my mind.

I guess by now most people know what happened. I am not going to go into the details of one of the most difficult meetings of my life. In short, a person from HR was there. My boss said my performance was good but I wasn't independent enough - which is what she had alluded to before and so I had an inkling that this was where I was going to get cut and I was given one month's notice and let go. I got two months' pay as part of my severance package.

Most of you know that I was really looking forward to moving to California and had been for most of my life. For a few weeks after that meeting, I was shocked by what how that dream had become a nightmare and tried to make sense of it all. I got drunk a lot, obviously. After that, I figured I needed to get my head clear. So, I went to Amsterdam - after the cancellation of that disastrous trip to Prague I felt at least I should treat myself.

Amsterdam was great. The only part of that trip I regret was this stupid lung infection that I got a few weeks before that trip. I don't think I have told many people this but I had a lung infection right around the time COVID hit - which gave me a dry cough (one of the symptoms of COVID but at time there were only 1 or 2 cases in America; so obviously I didn't have it) and I was traveling outside the US at that time too. I remember going through those airport lung x-ray machines and praying that I didn't cough. I made it through 8 flights without coughing and then when I got back to work I coughed a few times and got sent back home for 2 weeks. Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that I knew what medication to take to get rid of it and my coughing reduced considerably but didn't go away completely. So, of course, going off the meds for a week in Amsterdam brought the infection back in full force.

I returned just before New Years and instead of going back to California went to see my mom in West Virginia. I had a pretty relaxing time there and read a lot of books. Going cold turkey from alcohol helped my sleep and body. I did pass the infection to my mom unfortunately, though she is fine now.

All this while, though, I had been still thinking about what had happened and how to move forward. I could go back to nursing and find a new job. I have been a nurse for about 8 years now and it's the most rewarding job that I have had. However, there has been something else on my mind.

I am 38 years old. I can't have children. So, when I leave, what am I going to leave behind? Getting older sucks, by the way! You have these thoughts about your mortality and how do people remember you. Honestly, I was drawing a blank. Going back to West Virginia also put things into perspective. It was where I grew up after all and had all those dreams that I wanted to achieve - out of which I have precisely achieved zero, well except getting out of Wayne.

My lease runs until June and I am in one of the most exciting places in the world. So, I decided I would try to do something I have always wanted to try my hand at. Now, I am not going to reveal what it is. Firstly, I don't want to jinx it. Second, this thing I am doing requires a couple of months of work on my end before I can even show it to anyone. So, yeah, this post has only served to waste your time. Sorry! but I will have more updates about it soon. Some of you probably know what it is and yeah I am going to have a few setbacks like I did yesterday but I am prepared to give it the good ol' college try.

Before I sign off, I wanted to talk about two more things. I was most likely going to stop posting here and I had deleted this page - which is why it was unavailable for a while. What brought me back was that in some strange way, this place has become the most organized collection of my thoughts. So, when I was reflecting back on what had happened I referred back to these posts.

Lastly, I wanted to thank everyone on here for your contributions towards my mom's health insurance. As you know, if you buy a coffee here you get a surprise but it also allowed me to pay my mom's premium for the year which really helped out when she had that lung infection. I don't know what we would have done if we didn't have insurance at that time. So, Thank you!

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